Is There Anybody Out There??

Dear God, Buddha, Spirit Of The Wind or Whoever the heck is listening,

Me and my man, we have the relationship I always wanted. Our babies? The most precious people in my universe. We've sure got a lot of love in this room, and I couldn't ask for more. Or could I?

All the writing I have been up to lately got me thinking about self fulfilled prophecies, fear of success, fear of failure, emotional rescue and the way that my life has been flipped about in the ebb and flow of it all. I would definitely have to say, that I landed face up, and I feel lucky for that. There were quite a few years, that had I had the perspective to do so, I should have worried that I might wind up gagging for air. So yeah, thanks for that.

But what of  the fact that I'd now like... more. More than just to have the love. Like for example a car, better credit, a mortgage insted of rent, a personal trainer or at least a gym membership.. in short, money.

If at all possible, just writing that down left a rather foul taste in my mouth. The events of my life made me loathe money. I have actually feared money, or moreover the effect it has on people. It's really no wonder I have none. I joke with my husband, that he's perfect but could be more so if he were rich, when the truth is, had he been rich, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have looked twice. I was literally so opposed, that I bet I was physcially repelled by fortune. Seriously. If a guy wanted to pay, my eye would twitch trying to repress the urge to raise an eyebrow and then run.

Now here I sit. Worrying about our future, and more importantly, about the future for my kids. I want to give them the opportunities they need to flourish in this world. So I wonder, is it too late to start wishing for those extras I never dared to include in my private thoughts or prayers? Was I only lucky enough to have the life I do have, because I wasn't greedy? Is hard work and perseverance the only way to get ahead in this world? Cause that totally gets in the way of my 'spend as much time with family as humanly possible because they are only young once' mindset.

All I know is this. I am lucky. I would just like a little extra luck in the money department. A nice break for our little family.

That is all. Amen. Peace. Whatever works.