Monday, 31 October 2011
Candy, Candy, Candy.
Yesterday was Devil's Night and so now I am basically screwed. There will be candy in my house and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it! All my recent efforts to get in shape after baby are headed down the drain.
Even if the candy we bought all gets given away, Elway will go trick-or-treating tonight, henceforth.. candy! And if you knew me at all you'd know there isn't a chance in hell he's going to be eating it. Yes, I will let him have a little chocolate, some chips, sure, but then I will lie to him and tell him it is all gone.
Sometimes we do lie for good reasons, us moms. It's not like I won't tell him the real reason why he can't have candy as well...
Here is what I tell my son about candy. I tell him that candy is made of the opposite of his gummy vitamins and can give him a headache, a tummy ache, sore teeth and throat. If he eats candy, then the vitamins don't work as well either, and he knows that vitamins help you grow big and strong. I say, "Mommy loves you! I don't want you to be unhealthy!" And then I tell him, it's just brightly colored to make you think it tastes good, but really, toys are more fun because the color doesn't turn your hands blue.
Yes. I deprive my kid of candy, but I get him the awesome gummy vitamins and toys!!
Well I will tell you, though it sounds harsh to make candy sound like poison, it works. Because every time Good Cop... I mean Jim (Daddy), gives him candy... Elway spits it out. Even chocolates don't really do it for him. He will enjoy Nana's super chocolaty homemade wacky cake, yes. But if I gave him a Mars bar, he'd eat one, maybe two, bites and then drop it.
By the way, it's likely also a little manipulative of me to talk about how the candy colors come off on your hands. Elway is not a fan of skin discoloration. Funny, I've never quite worded it that way before, but it about sums it up. Those play tattoos, make him cry. Seriously. He is the neatest child with a paintbrush -EVER. If he gets his hands even slightly dirty, it's time to wash them off, and I don't say a thing. I am perhaps even a little remiss about him hand washing, but I've always figured that you have to get exposed to germs and dirt to be immune to them. I don't know where he gets it from??
Anyway, back to the point. Candy is coming here and my hips are waiting in anticipation. What am I supposed to do with the stuff? Throwing stuff out is very hard for me when it's worth something... it cost money right? So you shouldn't throw it out till it goes bad. Could I put it on Craigslist? Just kidding.
The truth is that once candy has infiltrated my home? My will power is rendered defenseless.This leaves me only one course of action and I have already put it in to motion.
I skipped the workout this morning.
How is this going to help my butt from widening? Well, here is my thinking.
I am going to not workout for as long as it takes for the candy to be gone, so say a week, or 3 days, and then when I work out again, the workout will have a stronger effect because my body will be that much less used to it.
That's my cockamamie plan and I'm sticking to it. :)
Even if the candy we bought all gets given away, Elway will go trick-or-treating tonight, henceforth.. candy! And if you knew me at all you'd know there isn't a chance in hell he's going to be eating it. Yes, I will let him have a little chocolate, some chips, sure, but then I will lie to him and tell him it is all gone.Sometimes we do lie for good reasons, us moms. It's not like I won't tell him the real reason why he can't have candy as well...
Here is what I tell my son about candy. I tell him that candy is made of the opposite of his gummy vitamins and can give him a headache, a tummy ache, sore teeth and throat. If he eats candy, then the vitamins don't work as well either, and he knows that vitamins help you grow big and strong. I say, "Mommy loves you! I don't want you to be unhealthy!" And then I tell him, it's just brightly colored to make you think it tastes good, but really, toys are more fun because the color doesn't turn your hands blue.
Yes. I deprive my kid of candy, but I get him the awesome gummy vitamins and toys!!
Well I will tell you, though it sounds harsh to make candy sound like poison, it works. Because every time Good Cop... I mean Jim (Daddy), gives him candy... Elway spits it out. Even chocolates don't really do it for him. He will enjoy Nana's super chocolaty homemade wacky cake, yes. But if I gave him a Mars bar, he'd eat one, maybe two, bites and then drop it.
By the way, it's likely also a little manipulative of me to talk about how the candy colors come off on your hands. Elway is not a fan of skin discoloration. Funny, I've never quite worded it that way before, but it about sums it up. Those play tattoos, make him cry. Seriously. He is the neatest child with a paintbrush -EVER. If he gets his hands even slightly dirty, it's time to wash them off, and I don't say a thing. I am perhaps even a little remiss about him hand washing, but I've always figured that you have to get exposed to germs and dirt to be immune to them. I don't know where he gets it from??
Anyway, back to the point. Candy is coming here and my hips are waiting in anticipation. What am I supposed to do with the stuff? Throwing stuff out is very hard for me when it's worth something... it cost money right? So you shouldn't throw it out till it goes bad. Could I put it on Craigslist? Just kidding.
The truth is that once candy has infiltrated my home? My will power is rendered defenseless.This leaves me only one course of action and I have already put it in to motion.
I skipped the workout this morning.
How is this going to help my butt from widening? Well, here is my thinking.
I am going to not workout for as long as it takes for the candy to be gone, so say a week, or 3 days, and then when I work out again, the workout will have a stronger effect because my body will be that much less used to it.
That's my cockamamie plan and I'm sticking to it. :)
Sunday, 30 October 2011
The Truth About Bringing Home Elway's Baby Sister
I had the most incredible moment last night while putting my kids to sleep.
We were all snuggled in with Isla on one side and Elway on the other, reading some wonderful Mercer Mayer books. Isla will actually try so hard to stay awake for night-nights with her brother, it's so adorable how much she loves him. And finally, Elway loves to have her there too.
Every night of my sons life, I have sang him to sleep, until we brought home Baby Isla.
Last night, Elway wanted me to sing again. The Lion Sleeps Tonight, over and over and over. Just like before.
I tried very hard not to allow my tears to affect my vocal chords, but there have been few if any more emotional moments in my life.
As you may have already gathered, my little guy didn't take it very well becoming big brother.
For the first week he seemed terrified, not over the shock even of my going to the hospital. He was so scared leading up to the date that he stressed over my last 6 doctors appointments, and would want to check my heart beat all the time.
Weeks two and three. I don't even know the little boy from week two. He hardly smiled, and when he did it was mostly an act. He cried at the drop of a hat, but woundedly. Not like the drama king he always is. He would get a mean little glint in his eye every now and then. The boy was more than jealous, he was angry and confused. There are no words to describe my pain in those weeks.
For those of you who have never met my son, he might be the most strapping little boy on the planet, and he can harness quite a lot of energy. Lets just say I became like a ninja guarding my pregnant belly against him in a good mood. Well. One day, he hit her. Just ran up while she was sleeping and whapped her in the tummy soo hard it left a little hand print. She screamed a scream I'd never heard in my life. It isn't like any one EVER hit Elway. I was instantly breathless. after a half second of terror over her condition, my instinct clicked in that she was fine. But then another instinct clicked in. Even another baby, will provoke the wrath of a mother, if they bring harm to her newborn child. I am supremely proud of my self control that day. I clutched Isla to my chest and ran her to her crib where she was safe and then came out and yelled at my son so loudly that when I went on the back deck, my neighbor asked if I had hit him. I blubbered to her, that I did not.....and then wailed 'but I wanted to!!!!!'.
It is hard for me to believe that I might actually push that 'publish' button after having written all this down. I was so devastated at the time... I felt like the worst mom in the world. I didn't care that I kept control, I only loathed that I could have created a situation that would make me this enraged at my son. And I was bitter that my little girl had to hear me scream, never mind endure the wallop. I resented that I couldn't just bask in the love of our new little girl without crushing my Bubba's fragile little heart, or at least tell her I love her above a whisper. All I could think was, what have I done?? What has become??
The guilt of creating his first true emotional anguish has left me now, but the memory probably never will.
The next few weeks brought different troubles. Isla got colicky. From about 5 pm to usually 9 or so, but quite a few times until 11, she was inconsolable. Surprisingly, this screaming did not try my patience or wear me down. I have infinite patience for the complaints of true pain, emotional or otherwise. What was devastating was that these hours of the day were when I was home alone with the kids and trying to get dinner on the table and then do night-nights. And Elway showed his true character. He would eventually and understandably tire of it all, but he had compassion for his little sis. What he couldn't handle was that I couldn't continue our bedtime routine, and he just couldn't fall asleep with all the screaming on top of that. The poor boy would cry and cry, pleading me to just come help him sleep. And so I'd lay her down screaming for a minute that seemed like an eternity, and try to fuse as much motherly night-night love into an imaginary silence, but after a minute, I had to run back to my daughter and try like hell to ease her pain.
It was exhausting on a whole other level than sleep deprivation. Jim would get home and I would just cry.
But time went by and slowly, Elway wrapped his brain around the fact that his spot in our hearts is only fortified. He loves Isla so much now that I just want to take pictures of them all day long. He tries to teach her stuff, and entertain her, and gets so proud to introduce her to people in the world. It's awesome. Of course he'd like her to hurry up and grow so she can play with him already, but he's taken to telling her "soon, Baby Isla, soon."
So, last night when I sang to my children together for the first time, over and over, the happiest tear slid down my cheek and Elway snuggled in a little further.
Elway: Mommy?? Why is there wet? Are you crying?
Me: Not sad crying Bubba. Just happy tears cause I love you so much!
Elway: And you love Baby Isla too!
Me: Yes. I love both of you very much!!
Elway: Night time comes to Elway's World. Sweet dreams!!
Me: Do you just say stuff to be adorable?
Elway: Shh, no more talking, Mommy it's night-nights now.
Me: Kay, goodnight then. Love you.
A few minutes pass. I am just starting to wonder if he is asleep.....
Elway: Can you sing it one more time mommy. For me and Baby Isla?
So I sang and they slept before the "Hush my darlings" part.
:)
We were all snuggled in with Isla on one side and Elway on the other, reading some wonderful Mercer Mayer books. Isla will actually try so hard to stay awake for night-nights with her brother, it's so adorable how much she loves him. And finally, Elway loves to have her there too.Every night of my sons life, I have sang him to sleep, until we brought home Baby Isla.
Last night, Elway wanted me to sing again. The Lion Sleeps Tonight, over and over and over. Just like before.
I tried very hard not to allow my tears to affect my vocal chords, but there have been few if any more emotional moments in my life.
As you may have already gathered, my little guy didn't take it very well becoming big brother.
For the first week he seemed terrified, not over the shock even of my going to the hospital. He was so scared leading up to the date that he stressed over my last 6 doctors appointments, and would want to check my heart beat all the time.
Weeks two and three. I don't even know the little boy from week two. He hardly smiled, and when he did it was mostly an act. He cried at the drop of a hat, but woundedly. Not like the drama king he always is. He would get a mean little glint in his eye every now and then. The boy was more than jealous, he was angry and confused. There are no words to describe my pain in those weeks.
For those of you who have never met my son, he might be the most strapping little boy on the planet, and he can harness quite a lot of energy. Lets just say I became like a ninja guarding my pregnant belly against him in a good mood. Well. One day, he hit her. Just ran up while she was sleeping and whapped her in the tummy soo hard it left a little hand print. She screamed a scream I'd never heard in my life. It isn't like any one EVER hit Elway. I was instantly breathless. after a half second of terror over her condition, my instinct clicked in that she was fine. But then another instinct clicked in. Even another baby, will provoke the wrath of a mother, if they bring harm to her newborn child. I am supremely proud of my self control that day. I clutched Isla to my chest and ran her to her crib where she was safe and then came out and yelled at my son so loudly that when I went on the back deck, my neighbor asked if I had hit him. I blubbered to her, that I did not.....and then wailed 'but I wanted to!!!!!'.
It is hard for me to believe that I might actually push that 'publish' button after having written all this down. I was so devastated at the time... I felt like the worst mom in the world. I didn't care that I kept control, I only loathed that I could have created a situation that would make me this enraged at my son. And I was bitter that my little girl had to hear me scream, never mind endure the wallop. I resented that I couldn't just bask in the love of our new little girl without crushing my Bubba's fragile little heart, or at least tell her I love her above a whisper. All I could think was, what have I done?? What has become??
The guilt of creating his first true emotional anguish has left me now, but the memory probably never will.
The next few weeks brought different troubles. Isla got colicky. From about 5 pm to usually 9 or so, but quite a few times until 11, she was inconsolable. Surprisingly, this screaming did not try my patience or wear me down. I have infinite patience for the complaints of true pain, emotional or otherwise. What was devastating was that these hours of the day were when I was home alone with the kids and trying to get dinner on the table and then do night-nights. And Elway showed his true character. He would eventually and understandably tire of it all, but he had compassion for his little sis. What he couldn't handle was that I couldn't continue our bedtime routine, and he just couldn't fall asleep with all the screaming on top of that. The poor boy would cry and cry, pleading me to just come help him sleep. And so I'd lay her down screaming for a minute that seemed like an eternity, and try to fuse as much motherly night-night love into an imaginary silence, but after a minute, I had to run back to my daughter and try like hell to ease her pain.
It was exhausting on a whole other level than sleep deprivation. Jim would get home and I would just cry.
But time went by and slowly, Elway wrapped his brain around the fact that his spot in our hearts is only fortified. He loves Isla so much now that I just want to take pictures of them all day long. He tries to teach her stuff, and entertain her, and gets so proud to introduce her to people in the world. It's awesome. Of course he'd like her to hurry up and grow so she can play with him already, but he's taken to telling her "soon, Baby Isla, soon."
So, last night when I sang to my children together for the first time, over and over, the happiest tear slid down my cheek and Elway snuggled in a little further.
Elway: Mommy?? Why is there wet? Are you crying?
Me: Not sad crying Bubba. Just happy tears cause I love you so much!
Elway: And you love Baby Isla too!
Me: Yes. I love both of you very much!!
Elway: Night time comes to Elway's World. Sweet dreams!!
Me: Do you just say stuff to be adorable?
Elway: Shh, no more talking, Mommy it's night-nights now.
Me: Kay, goodnight then. Love you.
A few minutes pass. I am just starting to wonder if he is asleep.....
Elway: Can you sing it one more time mommy. For me and Baby Isla?
So I sang and they slept before the "Hush my darlings" part.
:)
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Caroling For Charity
Dear Everyone,
Years ago I organized a group of awesome people to get together a few times in the weeks before Christmas to go caroling and raise money for the Starlight Foundation. The charity itself was in progress at the restaurant where I worked but we were really far away from reaching our goal to get our child's wish granted, so I asked a bunch of friends and colleagues to help finish the job. It was an absolute blast and we raised a good chunk of money.
A few years ago in Toronto, I tried to organize a Caroling For Charity again but this time for Sick Kids Hospital, but this time, although a few wonderful people were game, most attendees did not show, and to be fair the weather was so brutal I couldn't blame them. I knew it wasn't going to work though... the response I got from people was with raised eyebrow, and condescending tones implying I had just asked them to either admit to being an asshole or give up every shred of dignity and cool that they had. My response to this attitude is that if it's lame to raise money for a great cause, while cavorting around crummy weather drinking rummy egg nog and singing off key timeless hokey classics, that is fine by me. Cause I've done it before and seen the little kids faces light up with Christmas spirit, and the senior citizens eyes shine up with nostalgia. We were even a touch too dunk-i-poo and accidentally sang to some folks who don't celebrate Christmas and they even loved it, and donated a pretty sum too!
I know what you're thinking... another charity thing. I'm the first one to agree that it is overwhelming how many different organizations are looking for handouts, but if no one were asking, there wouldn't be enough giving, and some people really need to receive. Here is what I always say when I am feeling bombarded it works beautiful because it is true.
Repeat after me: "Thank-you for helping spread the opportunity to give, but I donate elsewhere."
And even if it isn't the truth, that doesn't mean it wont be true soon, especially if you keep saying it! I figure you are bound to create a self fulfilled prophecy :) Plus it's clear, and firm, and polite. People who are donating their time to raise money are not out to make you feel bad for not having an extra dollar. They are not all heiresses to fortunes untold posing holier than thou. So please, don't be a bastard to people just for asking.
Quick story. When selling stars for the Starlight Foundation through that restaurant way back when, I had brought 3 stars to a guests table and given my quick non-pushy spiel. The man at the table, practically growled at me, "Why don't you take your tip and you buy the fuckin stars!!!!". Yep. That's verbatim there. I was like, 22? He was about 50. I cried. My boss gave me shit because he thought I was crying over a bad tip. Nah. I bought the stars. Signed them from Santa. It's been years and I still think I'd recognise him.....
Anyway, got side tracked there. The point of all this is this. I want to organize a Caroling For Charity event again. Start out at a pub somewhere, bring thermoses of Bailey's and hot chocolate and have a good time of it!
I know it's not even Halloween yet, but these things take time to sort out, and I haven't even picked out the cause yet. In fact that is part of the very reason I am writing all this. I have two questions.
1. Would you want to go Caroling For Charity?
and
2. What do you think would be better, as in get more people out ... a children's foundation, or a homeless one? Which of these is more Christmassy?
I will also take any advice anyone has on running charitable events.
Thanks and uh... goodwill to men :)
Quotes from Elway's World- Where Is Butto?
Just after last New Year, Jim answered a knock on the door from a World Vision representative. We had both been very stressed about money. But we are not poor. we don't even have the faintest notion of what it really means to be live in poverty. And so, Butto joined our family. He was the oldest one, Jim said. "No one else was going to take him over those cute young ones."The next morning we showed Elway the picture of Butto. He looked about as perplexed as a 21/2 year old can.
For quite some time, my son hasn't shown much interest in his sponsor brother. Until the other day.
Elway takes Butto's picture off the fridge.
Elway: Mommy...why does Butto have a funny name?
Me: It's no more a funny name than Elway is.
Elway: Elway's not a funny name. It's cool.
Me: Yes it is! Mommy and Daddy thought so and that's why we named you. Because we knew you'd be a cool dude! Well, Butto's parents did the same thing. Everyone does.
Elway: But Butto is not a cool name.
Me: It's a fine name. You just aren't used to hearing it because, Butto is from a different part of the world where names like his are more common.
Elway: Butto isn't from Elway's World?
Me: He's from another country called India in the world we all share, Honey. And now mommy and daddy send money to help him grow healthy and strong. Does that sound nice?
Elway: Yes.
Me: Then maybe you want to think of him as a part of Elway's World. We could colour him a picture and send it to him.
Elway: Send it to Butto's world? (BIG smile)
Me: Sure Bear.
Friday, 28 October 2011
Carrot Addiction. Seriously?
Ridiculous. That's what I thought, but according to the internet, which never lies, carrot addiction is real.
Anyway. Today we went over to the local Farmers Market, where I saw some core-less carrots and bought 6 lbs of them. They are lovely looking, more so rounded than the average carrot and my hopes were pretty high when I tried one.
And now I'm worried, could it be contagious?
I have been joking around about having carrot addiction for a few years. Ever since my son was born, which is I believe when I started wanting to eat about a 2 lb bag of baby carrots a day. It was weird because, I also wanted to eat ridiculous amounts of naval oranges, and orange cheddar cheese. I wanted only orange food!?! Why? I have no clue. Perhaps some subconscious fear of how I will cope with having been roped into loving the Broncos for life? Maybe, but that was just a quick phase that passed. Whereas over 3 years later.. here I am still eating carrots like they are going out of style! I mean I will drag my kids out in the rain to get carrots sometimes, and if they were ever out... I'd probably go to another store. And if that store didn't have any... well lets just say I would be very mopey if I couldn't get my carrots. And I don't enlarge and bold my text very often.
By the way, any and every joke you could think up has likely already been made at my expense. My husband is supremely mature.
So anyway, I thought the other night, just for the sake of curiosity, that I would Google carrot addiction. Surprisingly, I am not alone. There are quite a few carrot addicts out there! One of the articles even claimed that carrot addiction could be fatal. I must admit I find this concept hilarious, so my case must not be quite so severe!
Anyway. Today we went over to the local Farmers Market, where I saw some core-less carrots and bought 6 lbs of them. They are lovely looking, more so rounded than the average carrot and my hopes were pretty high when I tried one.
The review:
Delightfully carroty flavored with a crunch only my favorite root veggie can deliver. There is just one problem. This carrot has a core. There is simply no way to deny the core. It's right there at the center. I ate 2 just to check to make sure it wasn't a dud. Nope. Both have cores in the center.
I am confused. Dismayed even. Why trick a girl? It's just mean. I had to eat another one to comfort the blow!!
And that's when it happened. My little daughter who is still just nursing was sitting right in front of me while I ate the last one, and she went through a range of emotions that I would expect from a rock bottom junkie that was sitting behind a glass wall watching people shooting up while pointing fingers and laughing at him or her. I lost track of the times she cycled through the stages of acceptance without ever really reaching it... by the end of my carrot we were both moved to tears.
Initially I thought, she just knows it's hard and cool and her teeth hurt... but then I thought....OMG! I eat my carrots well before now usually, and then she nurses!!! Could I have transferred my addiction and now she is jonesing for the carrot??
Well.
Neither of us are orange...but come to think of it she was rather orange at birth. However, other warning signs including nervousness, insomnia, waterbrash and irritability, are simply not present here. So perhaps I've nothing to fear.
Neither of us are orange...but come to think of it she was rather orange at birth. However, other warning signs including nervousness, insomnia, waterbrash and irritability, are simply not present here. So perhaps I've nothing to fear.
Yeah... she still hasn't nursed and she seems OK now. I think we are in the clear :)
Thursday, 27 October 2011
VIVID SALUTATIONS
Why Do I Love These Cards?
It's Not Just About The Art
First, I really do love the art that Tamara Norris has created. I love the Asian inspiration that to me seems fused with a native Canadian Haida art. Second, these unique art cards really stand apart from the everyday cards we are all too familiar with, and I am a card lover. I love to send a card and write a message that truly reflects my wishes to the recipient, perhaps even more than I love to receive them. Third, I know Tamara, and she is a wonderful person even before she is a wonderful artist. These cards are made not just with love for the environment, but with love for the world. Check out this Vivid Vibrations website @www.vividvibrations.com and just look at some of the joy that she and her team are spreading!!
See the various collections, and learn about the
customization options available.
See more about what is happening at
Vivid Salutations
See more of this article I wrote @
Elway's 1st Poem on How To Give A Robot Hug
Almost entirely a stall tactic-
delivered entirely in very believable robot voice.
"First you have to bend your arms like this,
(use your imagination)
Then you have to beep like this:
BEEEP!!
Then you think to yourself,
Do I love you baby sister?
Then you open your arms
and beep, YES!
Then you pretend your eyes are flashing
and that you are a robot
and you hug!
That's how to give
a robot hug, Mommy!"
Is There Anybody Out There??
Dear God, Buddha, Spirit Of The Wind or Whoever the heck is listening,
Me and my man, we have the relationship I always wanted. Our babies? The most precious people in my universe. We've sure got a lot of love in this room, and I couldn't ask for more. Or could I?
All the writing I have been up to lately got me thinking about self fulfilled prophecies, fear of success, fear of failure, emotional rescue and the way that my life has been flipped about in the ebb and flow of it all. I would definitely have to say, that I landed face up, and I feel lucky for that. There were quite a few years, that had I had the perspective to do so, I should have worried that I might wind up gagging for air. So yeah, thanks for that.
But what of the fact that I'd now like... more. More than just to have the love. Like for example a car, better credit, a mortgage insted of rent, a personal trainer or at least a gym membership.. in short, money.
If at all possible, just writing that down left a rather foul taste in my mouth. The events of my life made me loathe money. I have actually feared money, or moreover the effect it has on people. It's really no wonder I have none. I joke with my husband, that he's perfect but could be more so if he were rich, when the truth is, had he been rich, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have looked twice. I was literally so opposed, that I bet I was physcially repelled by fortune. Seriously. If a guy wanted to pay, my eye would twitch trying to repress the urge to raise an eyebrow and then run.
Now here I sit. Worrying about our future, and more importantly, about the future for my kids. I want to give them the opportunities they need to flourish in this world. So I wonder, is it too late to start wishing for those extras I never dared to include in my private thoughts or prayers? Was I only lucky enough to have the life I do have, because I wasn't greedy? Is hard work and perseverance the only way to get ahead in this world? Cause that totally gets in the way of my 'spend as much time with family as humanly possible because they are only young once' mindset.
All I know is this. I am lucky. I would just like a little extra luck in the money department. A nice break for our little family.
That is all. Amen. Peace. Whatever works.
Me and my man, we have the relationship I always wanted. Our babies? The most precious people in my universe. We've sure got a lot of love in this room, and I couldn't ask for more. Or could I?
All the writing I have been up to lately got me thinking about self fulfilled prophecies, fear of success, fear of failure, emotional rescue and the way that my life has been flipped about in the ebb and flow of it all. I would definitely have to say, that I landed face up, and I feel lucky for that. There were quite a few years, that had I had the perspective to do so, I should have worried that I might wind up gagging for air. So yeah, thanks for that.
But what of the fact that I'd now like... more. More than just to have the love. Like for example a car, better credit, a mortgage insted of rent, a personal trainer or at least a gym membership.. in short, money.
If at all possible, just writing that down left a rather foul taste in my mouth. The events of my life made me loathe money. I have actually feared money, or moreover the effect it has on people. It's really no wonder I have none. I joke with my husband, that he's perfect but could be more so if he were rich, when the truth is, had he been rich, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have looked twice. I was literally so opposed, that I bet I was physcially repelled by fortune. Seriously. If a guy wanted to pay, my eye would twitch trying to repress the urge to raise an eyebrow and then run.
Now here I sit. Worrying about our future, and more importantly, about the future for my kids. I want to give them the opportunities they need to flourish in this world. So I wonder, is it too late to start wishing for those extras I never dared to include in my private thoughts or prayers? Was I only lucky enough to have the life I do have, because I wasn't greedy? Is hard work and perseverance the only way to get ahead in this world? Cause that totally gets in the way of my 'spend as much time with family as humanly possible because they are only young once' mindset.
All I know is this. I am lucky. I would just like a little extra luck in the money department. A nice break for our little family.
That is all. Amen. Peace. Whatever works.
Quotes From Elway's World - Tough Questions
Reading my sons new Pirate book, yet again, and he suddenly takes note of one of the facts about Christians.
And, here we go...
Me: Well, I know Bear... and that doesn't make sense does it?
And, here we go...
Elway: What is a Christian, Mommy?
Me: Well Bear, do you remember the book about Baby Jesus?
Nods
Me: Remember I told you, that baby was Jesus Christ? He was a very good man who taught others to be very good, and so people celebrate His birth and other events of His life. Remember Christmas is His birthday??
He nods.
Me: Yeah.. well, we try to be good like Him all the time and that's called being Christian.
Elway: Being a good boy is being Christian?
Me: Well..yes.
Elway: But the book said Christians are pirates...
Me: Well, I know Bear... and that doesn't make sense does it?
Elway: No, Momma.
Me: Well, I think the book means that the pirates try to be Christians.
He nods. And thinks. And turns the page and there is pictures of pirate weapons. Cannon balls, cutlasses, blunderbusses, rifles, grenades.... We have already been over this page before, but he wants the words all read to him again while he makes shooting, and booming kapows and bangs.
I am seriously regretting this book right about now.
Elway: Mommy, do Christians still exist?
Me: Yes, of course Bear. everywhere people are Christians. Think of how many houses Santa has to go to at Christmas. We celebrate Christian holidays Bubba!!
Elway: But we don't have guns...
Me: Bear! Mommy told you. Those pirates are not normal, regular, type Christians!! They are not doing a very good job of being Christians if they are stealing from people because stealing is wrong, right?? Maybe the pirates were trying to protect good people from bad people, but they had to be pirates to do that...
I really wish I'd paid more attention in History.
I really wish I'd paid more attention in History.
He nods.
Me: Besides. Of course we don't have guns! We live in Canada. Canadians don't like guns in general. We don't want there to be real shooting anywhere in the whole world.
Elway: But pretend shooting is OK with my pirate ship and cannon blaster?
Me: Only in Elway's World and if no one gets hurt.
Elway: (BIG smile) What about in Mommy's world in the bathtub?
Me: Sure. There too.
I Just Wanna Write!!!
“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot. There is no way around these two things that I am aware of, no shortcut.” Stephen King.Well if I may humbly add, one must get read as well!
Thought I'd post this link here to show a few articles I have written on Squidoo. Hope you like them!
Oh, and Squidoo is great for anyone who wants to write. Very user friendly and fun. Just sayin'.
http://www.squidoo.com/lensmasters/Merstarr
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Quotes From Elway's World - Pirates & Dinosaurs
We are looking at a book on Pirates that has 100 facts. One of these facts is that pirates still exist.Elway: How can Pirates still be alive Mommy?
Me: They just are, Bear. There are still people sailing around on boats that steal from people and that's what a pirate is.
Elway: I'm scared..
Me: You don't have to be scared... we don't live where there are pirates. They live on the other side of the world almost.
Elway: What about dinosaurs?
Me: Don't worry, Buddy. There are no more dinosaurs in the whole world.
Elway: What do you mean the whole world.
Me: The entire world , Bear, there isn't any dinosaurs anywhere in it.
Elway: Why not?Me: They are extinct.
Elway: Extinct?
Me: Yes, it means all gone. remember in your book... "they all disappeared in a geologic wink"
Elway: Maybe they fell in the hole.
Believe it or not I saw this one coming
Me: No no Honey. There is no 'hole'... whole like the pizza and the pieces... put them all together and you get one whole pizza. Remember?
Elway: Oh. Where did they go then?
Me: They're just gone bear. The scientists aren't 100% sure how exactly.
Elway: Maybe they DID fall through a hole in the world then!!
Me: Elway.. listen to me. There is no hole in the world.
Elway: Maybe the hole is in Elway's World Mommy... we should tell the scientists!
Me: OK Bear. I'll tell them.
Elway: I'll find your phone mommy.
Awesome Artwork from http://www.jollyrogergames.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=25
Quotes From Elway's World- Art Reflects Life
Today has been one of those awesome days when I want to just hug and kiss my babies to pieces. They are being so-o good it's almost spooky.
Elway was playing with play-doh all morning. Making 'rainbow mixes' (which my OCD self is now used to) and using this 100 piece cookie cutting set I got for $7! What a buy!
Anyway, he was particularly proud of a few creations as usual. Today's masterpieces were an egg, a music note, and a helicopter.
Elway: Mommy. Can I make a page for my art?
Me: Um, sure buddy. What do you mean make a page?
Elway: A paper. A page! With LETTERS!
I think I understand what he means just in time for his head not to pop off.
Me: Do you want to put your play-doh creations on a page and we can spell the words and write them down beside your art?
Elway: Yes!! That would be just lovely! (He gets this kind of talk from Jim obviously)
Me: OK, Bear.
I get the paper and he starts to sound out the words. We start with 'egg'
Elway: Eh-eh-eh letter 'E' is for 'egg'.
Me: Very good!! What comes next?
Elway: G-g-g- 'G" is next!!
Me: Awesome job. Now this is tricky... whats next after 'G'?
Elway: G-g-gz...'S' comes after 'G'...
Me: Nice try buddy. There are two 'G's.
Elway: Two 'G' and then 'S'?
Me: Well, if there is more than one egg, yes.
Elway: But you said two 'G's. Mommy...
Me: Two 'G's, but I meant eggs.
Elway: Eggs?
Me: Never mind that... let's do 'helicopter'. Great job on egg..
He takes a break from focus to play with the play-doh cut out of the helicopter while making the chopping sound of the propeller. Accidentally he drops it. I pick it up and as I do, the propeller busts and it kind of rips in half. I try to piece it together to the sound of "AWW" in true disappointed tone. The look on his face turns to blame.... he thinks it's my fault... kind of.
Elway: It's broken....
Me: I fixed it, see?
Elway: No... it's busted!!
Me: It's a little mangled, but I think it's still great..
He is not thrilled, but accepts this.
Me:Ready?
Elway: Yes. May I have the marker, mommy?
Kay, I'm so excited by this!! He was doing great tracing letters in this wipe off book, and then he all the sudden 'did not want to anymore'... I know that if he says that to just drop it until he's interested again. Otherwise, it becomes something he 'never wants to do again'!
Me: Sure! You want the orange? Or blue?
Elway: Red!!
Me: Cool....OK. Whats the first letter?
Elway: H-h-h- .... 'H' is the first! Right?
Me: Yes.
And he prints it!!!!
Me: Wow! Thats amazing buddy! What an awesome 'H'!!
Elway: (Proudly) Next.
Me: What do you think?
Elway: H-eh-eh-eh...'E'!!
And he prints it!! It's a little big so far.. we are going to need another piece of paper.
Me: Thats the best 'E' you ever did Bear!! It's perfect!
Elway: Next...
Me: Helicopter...sound it out...
Elway: Hellllllll...'L'!!
He prints it. It is beautiful. I contemplate grabbing the camera but don't because thats silly... I will have the papers.
Me: Buddy, Im so proud of you. That is one nice looking 'L'!
All the sudden he starts quickly scribbling all over the page!!
Me: NO!! Bear?? Stop!!!!! Why? You were doing so great!?!
It is way to late now.He has scribbled all over the page. I am crestfallen. Like a mommy with no proof of her boys brilliance.
Me: Oh, Bubba... why did you wreck your writing? It was looking so good!
Elway: It fell off the page and got busted. Its a mangled helicopter Mommy. See?
I should have known. Should have known.
Elway was playing with play-doh all morning. Making 'rainbow mixes' (which my OCD self is now used to) and using this 100 piece cookie cutting set I got for $7! What a buy!
Anyway, he was particularly proud of a few creations as usual. Today's masterpieces were an egg, a music note, and a helicopter.
Elway: Mommy. Can I make a page for my art?
Me: Um, sure buddy. What do you mean make a page?
Elway: A paper. A page! With LETTERS!
I think I understand what he means just in time for his head not to pop off.
Me: Do you want to put your play-doh creations on a page and we can spell the words and write them down beside your art?
Elway: Yes!! That would be just lovely! (He gets this kind of talk from Jim obviously)
Me: OK, Bear.
I get the paper and he starts to sound out the words. We start with 'egg'
Elway: Eh-eh-eh letter 'E' is for 'egg'.
Me: Very good!! What comes next?
Elway: G-g-g- 'G" is next!!
Me: Awesome job. Now this is tricky... whats next after 'G'?
Elway: G-g-gz...'S' comes after 'G'...
Me: Nice try buddy. There are two 'G's.
Elway: Two 'G' and then 'S'?
Me: Well, if there is more than one egg, yes.
Elway: But you said two 'G's. Mommy...
Me: Two 'G's, but I meant eggs.
Elway: Eggs?
Me: Never mind that... let's do 'helicopter'. Great job on egg..
He takes a break from focus to play with the play-doh cut out of the helicopter while making the chopping sound of the propeller. Accidentally he drops it. I pick it up and as I do, the propeller busts and it kind of rips in half. I try to piece it together to the sound of "AWW" in true disappointed tone. The look on his face turns to blame.... he thinks it's my fault... kind of.
Elway: It's broken....
Me: I fixed it, see?
Elway: No... it's busted!!
Me: It's a little mangled, but I think it's still great..
He is not thrilled, but accepts this.
Me:Ready?
Elway: Yes. May I have the marker, mommy?
Kay, I'm so excited by this!! He was doing great tracing letters in this wipe off book, and then he all the sudden 'did not want to anymore'... I know that if he says that to just drop it until he's interested again. Otherwise, it becomes something he 'never wants to do again'!
Me: Sure! You want the orange? Or blue?
Elway: Red!!
Me: Cool....OK. Whats the first letter?
Elway: H-h-h- .... 'H' is the first! Right?
Me: Yes.
And he prints it!!!!
Me: Wow! Thats amazing buddy! What an awesome 'H'!!
Elway: (Proudly) Next.
Me: What do you think?
Elway: H-eh-eh-eh...'E'!!
And he prints it!! It's a little big so far.. we are going to need another piece of paper.
Me: Thats the best 'E' you ever did Bear!! It's perfect!
Elway: Next...
Me: Helicopter...sound it out...
Elway: Hellllllll...'L'!!
He prints it. It is beautiful. I contemplate grabbing the camera but don't because thats silly... I will have the papers.
Me: Buddy, Im so proud of you. That is one nice looking 'L'!
All the sudden he starts quickly scribbling all over the page!!
Me: NO!! Bear?? Stop!!!!! Why? You were doing so great!?!
It is way to late now.He has scribbled all over the page. I am crestfallen. Like a mommy with no proof of her boys brilliance.
Me: Oh, Bubba... why did you wreck your writing? It was looking so good!
Elway: It fell off the page and got busted. Its a mangled helicopter Mommy. See?
I should have known. Should have known.
All Smiles
True story.
About a year ago I was bartending in this high end Ristorante/Nightclub. I had just found out that I was pregnant again, and was knee deep in wedding planning. I was the happiest I had yet been in my life.
I have always been a very emotive person. What I feel, may as well be written in neon lights over my head. But on the job, serving, bartending, I smile. Not if the conversation across the bar gets real, you know, like say I was chatting with a man about his bitch of an ex or something, and not in the middle of a broadcast of some tragic school shooting or right after the "other team" wins the game... I'm not a jerk... but in general? I smile. I think it suits me, because it's genuine and natural. Even on my worst days, hungover and sad about some dork I never should have wasted my time on, I loved going to work, because, I'd forget my troubles, focus on the people and the job and oops there was that smile again.
Anyway, here I am working at my old job coming near the end of a day shift on probably a Monday or Tuesday because the place is dead, save the few guys at the bar I've been keeping company.
Tom (Regular guest in his late 40's): You know whats awesome about this girl (he says to the young dude beside him)? I have a shitty day at work, and I come over here after, and every time, BIG smile! I love it! You're always so happy, and full of awesome conversation.
Me: Thanks Tom. Another Corona?
Young Dude: What's your name? You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met in my life?
OK. He actually just asked my name, but I knew what he meant...
Me: Meredith. And you are?
Young Guy: Im Brad. (Or Jake, or Dan or something... doesn't matter. But he drank Canadian - I remember that)
Tom: Well Brad.... Meredith is great... she will always put you in a good mood (Tom was on his 4th Corona), so now you know where to get a beer and a smile! For real man, for real. (Tom always says this)
It's changeover time, and, we'll call her Wanda, the night bartender is taking over for me. She is a little older than me, a lot cooler for sure. She's got a boy toy, and DJ's for a radio station, and wears funky, kind of startling clothes. Like catsuits and black leather jackets and shit. Any way she comes in. She is usually nice enough, but not super friendly, and today is pretty much the standard. I think she said hi?
Enter, we'll call him Rob, he is the GM. Rob's kind of a dick, but he likes that about himself, and it's usually amusing at least .
Me: Hey Rob, how are ya?
Rob: Fine Miss Meredith... hey Tom whats going on?
Tom: (mid sip) Fantastic.
Rob: Hey Wanda. Did you get the till?
Wanda: Yeah, I'm counting it?
Rob: (To Wanda, they go way back) What's your problem Bi-atch?
Wanda: What?!
Rob: Uh- oh....your fuckin crusty tonight (smiling).. OK, skank, let me know we're out of anything ( or something really charming and typical like that).
She finishes counting. Then comes over to the bar and leans on it to talk to Tom mostly.
Wanda: What the fuck! Why does everyone ask me whats wrong if I don't have a smile plastered across my face? Why should anyone just stand around smiling?? If I see anyone smiling all the time for no reason, I'll tell you why that is...it's cause they're stupid. Right? I mean what kind of an asshole is just happy and smiling all the time??
Me: Yeah for sure. (I nod and smile)
Well I just want to say something to all you super cool, serious, sarcastic women... you know who you are.
My daughter smiles all day long with big bright intelligent eyes unless there is something wrong, like poop in her pants. If she weren't this way, you would complain about her. Catch my drift? :o)
About a year ago I was bartending in this high end Ristorante/Nightclub. I had just found out that I was pregnant again, and was knee deep in wedding planning. I was the happiest I had yet been in my life.
I have always been a very emotive person. What I feel, may as well be written in neon lights over my head. But on the job, serving, bartending, I smile. Not if the conversation across the bar gets real, you know, like say I was chatting with a man about his bitch of an ex or something, and not in the middle of a broadcast of some tragic school shooting or right after the "other team" wins the game... I'm not a jerk... but in general? I smile. I think it suits me, because it's genuine and natural. Even on my worst days, hungover and sad about some dork I never should have wasted my time on, I loved going to work, because, I'd forget my troubles, focus on the people and the job and oops there was that smile again.
Anyway, here I am working at my old job coming near the end of a day shift on probably a Monday or Tuesday because the place is dead, save the few guys at the bar I've been keeping company.
Tom (Regular guest in his late 40's): You know whats awesome about this girl (he says to the young dude beside him)? I have a shitty day at work, and I come over here after, and every time, BIG smile! I love it! You're always so happy, and full of awesome conversation.
Me: Thanks Tom. Another Corona?
Young Dude: What's your name? You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met in my life?
OK. He actually just asked my name, but I knew what he meant...
Me: Meredith. And you are?
Young Guy: Im Brad. (Or Jake, or Dan or something... doesn't matter. But he drank Canadian - I remember that)
Tom: Well Brad.... Meredith is great... she will always put you in a good mood (Tom was on his 4th Corona), so now you know where to get a beer and a smile! For real man, for real. (Tom always says this)
It's changeover time, and, we'll call her Wanda, the night bartender is taking over for me. She is a little older than me, a lot cooler for sure. She's got a boy toy, and DJ's for a radio station, and wears funky, kind of startling clothes. Like catsuits and black leather jackets and shit. Any way she comes in. She is usually nice enough, but not super friendly, and today is pretty much the standard. I think she said hi?
Enter, we'll call him Rob, he is the GM. Rob's kind of a dick, but he likes that about himself, and it's usually amusing at least .
Me: Hey Rob, how are ya?
Rob: Fine Miss Meredith... hey Tom whats going on?
Tom: (mid sip) Fantastic.
Rob: Hey Wanda. Did you get the till?
Wanda: Yeah, I'm counting it?
Rob: (To Wanda, they go way back) What's your problem Bi-atch?
Wanda: What?!
Rob: Uh- oh....your fuckin crusty tonight (smiling).. OK, skank, let me know we're out of anything ( or something really charming and typical like that).
She finishes counting. Then comes over to the bar and leans on it to talk to Tom mostly.Wanda: What the fuck! Why does everyone ask me whats wrong if I don't have a smile plastered across my face? Why should anyone just stand around smiling?? If I see anyone smiling all the time for no reason, I'll tell you why that is...it's cause they're stupid. Right? I mean what kind of an asshole is just happy and smiling all the time??
Me: Yeah for sure. (I nod and smile)
Well I just want to say something to all you super cool, serious, sarcastic women... you know who you are.
My daughter smiles all day long with big bright intelligent eyes unless there is something wrong, like poop in her pants. If she weren't this way, you would complain about her. Catch my drift? :o)
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Quotes From Elway's World - On Respect
In the morning I used to always have some quality time with my son when we would do puzzles, read books make Mr. Potato Heads..whatever. Since Isla came along, this sadly doesn't happen as much in the early morning any more. This morning was one of the few days, when she was already fed and back to sleep by the time Elway woke. So, naturally I wanted to play with Elway. He had other ideas.
He is doing a jerky robotic jig singing the Transformers theme song.
Elway: Momma, *p-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch* (He can't stop the rhythm long enough to ask me a question) Can I PLEASE watch *-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch* TRANSFORMERS?
Me: Well, I kind of thought since Islas asleep, we could do a puzzle or a game or read this pirate book?
Honestly, I am hoping for the book. Between him and Isla waking last night, and Jim and I hanging out til midnight, I don't even know what I slept.
Elway: I was thinking, no. I want to watch Transformers...more then meets the eye!!
Can't say I blame him. I mean it's an awesome show, and we have it on DVD, so he knows he's never missing the first 5 minutes. (I think he and I have a lot in common) But, I am upset. I want him to want to play with me. Any time, and every time I am busy, he gives me puppy dog eyes, a quivering lip (trademark baby Meredith move I'm told) and "but momma... I want to play with you". I hate guilt trips, mostly because they make me feel guilty. Yeah, I hate feeling guilty.
Me: Elway, mommy wants to play with you. I have time right now... how about we play with your tools?
Most regretted Christmas gift of all time: Power tools that "really make noise". As if the noise of him pretending to use them wasn't bad enough. Not to mention I constantly have to tell him not to hammer..uh..everything.
Elway: No mommy. The last time, Megatron said he'd be back to destroy the Autobots!! (You don't say...) I HAVE to watch this one!!
Me: We have it on disc, honey...
Elway: I asked very nicely Mommy. (He says this to me like I am the 3 year old.)
Me: Fine, Elway, you can watch a Transformers. But remember this the next time I can't play because I am busy. OK?
He is thinking.
Me: Well? Next time mommy is busy and you want me to play Lego, remember that we could have played this morning, but you just want to watch a show. So, mommy won't feel so bad, if I can't play Lego next time. OK??
Elway: No.
Me: What do you mean, 'No'? Yes. This is the way it is. OK?
This is verbatim.
Elway: No. Not OK. I want to watch Transformers, and later I want you to play Lego with me, and that's fair, because there is respect when it's Elway's World! Capiche? Capiche.
I am dumbfounded. This is difficult because, he is not trying to be rude, he just has his logic all figured out... and it's CRAZY. Crazy, self centered 3 year old logic. I have to remind myself he is 3.
Me: No. Not 'capiche', Elway! You don't tell Mommy what to do. You are not the boss. I am. You want to watch Transformers, and I am saying fine. But you could learn from this. Mommy wanted you to play with me, but you said no. So I am not forcing you to play. Forcing anyone to play isn't nice. It is bossy, and being bossy is no way to get respect.
He looks me in the eye.
Elway: It is in Mommy's World.
I cannot argue. I don't even know how, so I just nod to agree and start to insert the DVD.
*Psoooow- Bow-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch! Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch--Transformers!*
He is doing a jerky robotic jig singing the Transformers theme song.
Elway: Momma, *p-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch* (He can't stop the rhythm long enough to ask me a question) Can I PLEASE watch *-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch* TRANSFORMERS?
Me: Well, I kind of thought since Islas asleep, we could do a puzzle or a game or read this pirate book?
Honestly, I am hoping for the book. Between him and Isla waking last night, and Jim and I hanging out til midnight, I don't even know what I slept.
Elway: I was thinking, no. I want to watch Transformers...more then meets the eye!!
Can't say I blame him. I mean it's an awesome show, and we have it on DVD, so he knows he's never missing the first 5 minutes. (I think he and I have a lot in common) But, I am upset. I want him to want to play with me. Any time, and every time I am busy, he gives me puppy dog eyes, a quivering lip (trademark baby Meredith move I'm told) and "but momma... I want to play with you". I hate guilt trips, mostly because they make me feel guilty. Yeah, I hate feeling guilty.
Me: Elway, mommy wants to play with you. I have time right now... how about we play with your tools?
Most regretted Christmas gift of all time: Power tools that "really make noise". As if the noise of him pretending to use them wasn't bad enough. Not to mention I constantly have to tell him not to hammer..uh..everything.
Elway: No mommy. The last time, Megatron said he'd be back to destroy the Autobots!! (You don't say...) I HAVE to watch this one!!
Me: We have it on disc, honey...
Elway: I asked very nicely Mommy. (He says this to me like I am the 3 year old.)
Me: Fine, Elway, you can watch a Transformers. But remember this the next time I can't play because I am busy. OK?
He is thinking.
Me: Well? Next time mommy is busy and you want me to play Lego, remember that we could have played this morning, but you just want to watch a show. So, mommy won't feel so bad, if I can't play Lego next time. OK??
Elway: No.
Me: What do you mean, 'No'? Yes. This is the way it is. OK?
This is verbatim.
Elway: No. Not OK. I want to watch Transformers, and later I want you to play Lego with me, and that's fair, because there is respect when it's Elway's World! Capiche? Capiche.
I am dumbfounded. This is difficult because, he is not trying to be rude, he just has his logic all figured out... and it's CRAZY. Crazy, self centered 3 year old logic. I have to remind myself he is 3.
Me: No. Not 'capiche', Elway! You don't tell Mommy what to do. You are not the boss. I am. You want to watch Transformers, and I am saying fine. But you could learn from this. Mommy wanted you to play with me, but you said no. So I am not forcing you to play. Forcing anyone to play isn't nice. It is bossy, and being bossy is no way to get respect.
He looks me in the eye.
Elway: It is in Mommy's World.
I cannot argue. I don't even know how, so I just nod to agree and start to insert the DVD.
*Psoooow- Bow-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch! Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch--Transformers!*
Monday, 24 October 2011
Quotes From Elway's World- Wasps
So it's a gorgeous fall day. We got a pumpkin, went for a walk, collected some leaves and did a crayon rub. I got a little bit of a sugar high off of Banana Arrowroot and Nutella for a snack. Elway has been pure joy. Isla is a wide eyed darling. Jim won't be too late tonight, and texted to say he now has the day off tomorrow. If I were any happier I'd be la-la-ing the Smurf song. So I thought I'd go ahead and put the cherry on top, by making some homemade apple sauce.
Elway was outside playing in his play store, and Isla spat out her Vitamin D drops, so I thought hey, I will chop the apples outside. Then maybe I'll fold the laundry outside too. That would make it a lot easier to keep buying food from Elway and get things done, plus we'll make up for that vitamin D with some sunsine. Yeah,still sounds like a good plan.
So there I am with Isla set up, and all my laundry, and my apples and cutting board.
Elway: Mo-mmy! Do you want to buy some milk?
Me: Sure buddy I'm coming down!
I leave the deck with a handful of change getting ready to purchase imaginary food.
Me: Would you take 10 cents for the milk and a cookie?
Elway: Chocolate chip? Or Chicken?
Me: Chicken? Were talking about cookies here. I've never heard of a chicken cookie.
Elway: Yes mommy a chicken cookie.
Me: OK,(???) I'll take the chocolate chip.
Elway: 10 cents. Thank-you. Come again.
I go back up on the deck. I'm there for about 30 seconds.
Elway: Mo-mmy!! I said "Come again!!!"
Me: Kay, buddy, Im just still enjoying my milk and cookie here!
Stalling. I know, I know..but I'd never get anything done! He looks annoyed, so I'm off to market again.
Me: What do we have here. Can I buy some chicken cookies?
Elway: Sorry, we're all out.
Me: All out eh? Sure I could see that... what do you have?
Elway: Horse cookies, peanut butter, water..
Me: I will have a ... a what? What in the world is a horse cookie?
Elway: (a true salesman) They are dee-licious!!
Suddenly, I hear Isla, not screaming, but making this sound she makes that means 'Yo! Problem!'
I run up on the deck where there are about 30 wasps, yellow jackets, hornets what-ever-they-are's. Yep 30 give or take. They are swarming my apples. Duh. I know.
It takes a few trips in and out of the house and I scream several times ridiculously. 1st trip Isla is ushered in. Elway would have been left down on the grass, had I any say, but he ran up to the commotion (shocking) so he came in second. Then came in the laundry.
I'm looking out the window, and the swarm on my apples is scary to me even from behind the glass. It is here that I make the fatal error and say:
Me: Son of a bitch!! Stupid wasps wrecking the sunny day again!!! It's the end of October! I'm so tired of this crap! Die! For goodness sake's! DIE!!
Sometimes I wish I was a little less dramatic.
Elway has started to squeal along with my ranting. He thinks this is great.
I just want my apples. Bugger wasps.
I have the foresight to move Isla to the bedroom and shut the door, and I tell Elway to wait in the living room.So I go out, swatter in hand, and bravely (squealing like a pig) grab my apples. I manage to only let 3 wasps follow me in and I rather impressively end their lives quickly and with a vengeance.
Elway: (Calls from the other room) Did you make all the stupid wasps DIE mommy?
Me: (Shit) Yes Bear. Honey listen, mommy shouldn't have said all that stuff I said when I was yelling. I was very upset, but it's no excuse. Do you understand?
Elway: Yes. You hate the 'sum of itch"?
Me:(Huge exhale) Well, hate isn't a nice word.... but yes, I don't want the wasps to sting us. (Don't judge me)
Elway: Why was there so many wasps? Did they want to sting you?
Me: No. Mommy wanted to cut up the apples outside, but that was silly, because wasps LOVE apples and all food. All they want is the food but sometimes they just sting anyway.
Elway: Not cookies.
Me: Yes. Even cookies.
Elway: No. Not chicken cookies in Elway's World.
Me: *Sigh* Right, well, perhaps not chicken cookies.
Later on I figured out, chicken cookies and horse cookies are Animal Crackers (duh again), and they go very well with vanilla yogurt and homemade applesauce.
Elway was outside playing in his play store, and Isla spat out her Vitamin D drops, so I thought hey, I will chop the apples outside. Then maybe I'll fold the laundry outside too. That would make it a lot easier to keep buying food from Elway and get things done, plus we'll make up for that vitamin D with some sunsine. Yeah,still sounds like a good plan.
So there I am with Isla set up, and all my laundry, and my apples and cutting board.
Elway: Mo-mmy! Do you want to buy some milk?
Me: Sure buddy I'm coming down!
I leave the deck with a handful of change getting ready to purchase imaginary food.
Me: Would you take 10 cents for the milk and a cookie?
Elway: Chocolate chip? Or Chicken?
Me: Chicken? Were talking about cookies here. I've never heard of a chicken cookie.
Elway: Yes mommy a chicken cookie.
Me: OK,(???) I'll take the chocolate chip.
Elway: 10 cents. Thank-you. Come again.
I go back up on the deck. I'm there for about 30 seconds.
Elway: Mo-mmy!! I said "Come again!!!"
Me: Kay, buddy, Im just still enjoying my milk and cookie here!
Stalling. I know, I know..but I'd never get anything done! He looks annoyed, so I'm off to market again.
Me: What do we have here. Can I buy some chicken cookies?
Elway: Sorry, we're all out.
Me: All out eh? Sure I could see that... what do you have?
Elway: Horse cookies, peanut butter, water..
Me: I will have a ... a what? What in the world is a horse cookie?
Elway: (a true salesman) They are dee-licious!!
Suddenly, I hear Isla, not screaming, but making this sound she makes that means 'Yo! Problem!'
I run up on the deck where there are about 30 wasps, yellow jackets, hornets what-ever-they-are's. Yep 30 give or take. They are swarming my apples. Duh. I know.
It takes a few trips in and out of the house and I scream several times ridiculously. 1st trip Isla is ushered in. Elway would have been left down on the grass, had I any say, but he ran up to the commotion (shocking) so he came in second. Then came in the laundry.
I'm looking out the window, and the swarm on my apples is scary to me even from behind the glass. It is here that I make the fatal error and say:
Me: Son of a bitch!! Stupid wasps wrecking the sunny day again!!! It's the end of October! I'm so tired of this crap! Die! For goodness sake's! DIE!!
Sometimes I wish I was a little less dramatic.
Elway has started to squeal along with my ranting. He thinks this is great.
I just want my apples. Bugger wasps.
I have the foresight to move Isla to the bedroom and shut the door, and I tell Elway to wait in the living room.So I go out, swatter in hand, and bravely (squealing like a pig) grab my apples. I manage to only let 3 wasps follow me in and I rather impressively end their lives quickly and with a vengeance.
Elway: (Calls from the other room) Did you make all the stupid wasps DIE mommy?
Me: (Shit) Yes Bear. Honey listen, mommy shouldn't have said all that stuff I said when I was yelling. I was very upset, but it's no excuse. Do you understand?
Elway: Yes. You hate the 'sum of itch"?
Me:(Huge exhale) Well, hate isn't a nice word.... but yes, I don't want the wasps to sting us. (Don't judge me)
Elway: Why was there so many wasps? Did they want to sting you?Me: No. Mommy wanted to cut up the apples outside, but that was silly, because wasps LOVE apples and all food. All they want is the food but sometimes they just sting anyway.
Elway: Not cookies.
Me: Yes. Even cookies.
Elway: No. Not chicken cookies in Elway's World.
Me: *Sigh* Right, well, perhaps not chicken cookies.
Later on I figured out, chicken cookies and horse cookies are Animal Crackers (duh again), and they go very well with vanilla yogurt and homemade applesauce.
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Tebow- The Last Minute Man Or Come Back Guy?
So there you have it. The Broncos just won a football game in Miami for the first time ever. The longest streak in the league for at least getting a score on the board is still in tact. But it sure came close, didn't it. And not before the boredom almost killed us patient Broncos fans.
I'll admit it, I went ahead and had a shower somewhere near the middle of the 4th. I knew I'd hear the cheering if I missed something and to be honest I was feeling an urge to remove my blue and orange. And as luck would have it I missed nothing because we were 41 minutes in to the game before anything happened out there and I was wearing my I Love Broncos hat again long before the game stopped sucking.
But then, Tebow got good looking again.
I heard about that comedian guy, John Oliver, saying he full on hates Tim. Hates him for thanking God before his offensive linemen. Surely, Tebow is grateful for the rest of the team as well, but that's what religious athletes do... they thank God. Has he never heard of this before? Seriously? Does he hate religious people in general?
I think he may have multiple reasons for loathing Tim.
Not to stereotype Mr. Oliver, and not that I don't find the funny bookish type attractive, nor am I particularly 'in' to jock types for that matter (never have been) but if this were junior high, which one of these guys would envy the other? I am sorry to say, Mr. Oliver, that I would have expected the moronic making fun to come from the jock, and not vice versa. I gotta say. Usually, funny is more my type than God fearing. But this time, it's a toss up. How sad is that?
Anyway, back to football.
If it was drama the Broncos were looking for, this football game had a crappy first act, but in the end Tim Tebow was the star. I mean carrying the score tying ball over into the end zone himself? That's a come back with pizzazz, is what that is! (And I almost never ever use the word pizzazz.) Yes, Tebow had his time in the spotlight today, but lets not forget the unexpected best supporting actor. Who the heck is Fells?? Well, I'm sure I don't know, and when I'm done writing this i am totally going to Google him, but before I go, I just wanted to say YEAH BRONCOS!!!!!
Oh, and Tim. We all saw you praying that the kick was good, and it's more than likely that Mr. Oliver was grateful for the additional material for his next roast of you, but I for one am thinking that if you get God rooting for the Denver Broncos, well, it sure couldn't hurt.
I'll admit it, I went ahead and had a shower somewhere near the middle of the 4th. I knew I'd hear the cheering if I missed something and to be honest I was feeling an urge to remove my blue and orange. And as luck would have it I missed nothing because we were 41 minutes in to the game before anything happened out there and I was wearing my I Love Broncos hat again long before the game stopped sucking.
But then, Tebow got good looking again.I heard about that comedian guy, John Oliver, saying he full on hates Tim. Hates him for thanking God before his offensive linemen. Surely, Tebow is grateful for the rest of the team as well, but that's what religious athletes do... they thank God. Has he never heard of this before? Seriously? Does he hate religious people in general?
I think he may have multiple reasons for loathing Tim.
Not to stereotype Mr. Oliver, and not that I don't find the funny bookish type attractive, nor am I particularly 'in' to jock types for that matter (never have been) but if this were junior high, which one of these guys would envy the other? I am sorry to say, Mr. Oliver, that I would have expected the moronic making fun to come from the jock, and not vice versa. I gotta say. Usually, funny is more my type than God fearing. But this time, it's a toss up. How sad is that?
Anyway, back to football.
If it was drama the Broncos were looking for, this football game had a crappy first act, but in the end Tim Tebow was the star. I mean carrying the score tying ball over into the end zone himself? That's a come back with pizzazz, is what that is! (And I almost never ever use the word pizzazz.) Yes, Tebow had his time in the spotlight today, but lets not forget the unexpected best supporting actor. Who the heck is Fells?? Well, I'm sure I don't know, and when I'm done writing this i am totally going to Google him, but before I go, I just wanted to say YEAH BRONCOS!!!!!
Oh, and Tim. We all saw you praying that the kick was good, and it's more than likely that Mr. Oliver was grateful for the additional material for his next roast of you, but I for one am thinking that if you get God rooting for the Denver Broncos, well, it sure couldn't hurt.
You Know You're Tired When....
I have never been much of a sleeper. From as far back as I can recall I would night wake and not be able to return to sleep. Very scary dreams about all kinds of child like terrors would keep me awake. And sometimes the simple noise of my mind on nothing specific at all was even louder than the bad dreams. For some reason, I was always very concerned with the safety of everyone, and of their whereabouts. I used to make my mother or father tuck me in tight, and then I'd try like hell not to move, for fear that if I did move that somehow no one was safe. The things kids think up!!!
I remember being about 6 years old, and coming up with imaginary inventions of sleep aids. Like my imaginary dream cartridge that played "mind music" and soothing sounds. Or my imaginary wind down tool. I would literally envision a huge gear with a crank turning, and turning connected to imaginary strings attached to my brains "sleep department". Wild, eh? And this all "dreamed" up in the middle of the night in my little girl bedroom that oozed mauve and lace.
In my teen years it was worse. I started having brutal nightmares. Not just the super scary chased by a giant dog all the way to school type, but more of the "shit, should I have seen a child psychiatrist" variety. (Probably should have , really.) I think that this crazy psychological dreamscape contributed heavily to my need to "self medicate". Yeah, we'll call it that. I had my problems at school and at home, like all teenagers do. But, I don't know if the twist and turns in my head at night are so common. I would imagine that hormones have a lot to do with it. Also, I have no scientific evidence to base this upon, but I went on Birth Control pills at age 15, and I'm fairly certain that they made me more than a little crazy. Christ, I would cry at the drop of a mention of dropping a hat. And at night, I'd try to write all my emotions out before bed, hoping not to swim in dark thoughts all night long, and to just sleep. But more often than not, I would wake up after a few hours terrified, or understandably, not be able to drift off in the first place.
Then along came booze. I mentioned self mediating in my teen years, well for sure, I passed out more often than I slept. But in my 20s is when the real dependency kicked in. My hand grew a 6th finger I smoked so many cigarettes. About 2 packs a day actually. Disgusting. Happy to say it's been more that 4 years since I quit being a slave. Read this article on quitting I wrote on Squidoo if you want to hear more about that. http://www.squidoo.com/quit-smoking-for-health-its-simple-craving-free-today-fast So yeah, I smoked like a chimney, was high or else I was low, and I don't think I knew what sleeping without at least 6 drinks in me was like for about 5 years or so. I used to try not to have any more than 10 drinks That was the minimum. And then Gin and I hooked up, and that stat got WAY worse. Lets just say I was VERY ashamed of my recycling bin. I think I sufficiently made myself not dream at all, or at least be too drunk when I woke up to remember the dream for most of my 20's.
Phew, well that look at my 20's was depressing. Kind of got off on a tangent, but the point is that I suck at sleeping.
I must say, to be fair, I wasn't exemplary at being awake either.
Now, as a squeaky clean, clear, shiny healthy mom in my 30's if you give me 30 seconds, I don't even need to be reclined and I can doze. No problem. Sometimes I have bad dreams, but they are relevant to my life, as in not from Hell. I am a worry wort so, I would expect my super cautious nature to seep into my sub-conscience, just a wee bit. The real bitch of it is, that, now that I can sleep, life won't let me. I fear that Mother Nature has a wicked sense of humor and has blessed me with children who are like me, and require no sleep. Yes, as my BFF has mentioned more than once, I am lucky to be so capable of being fully functional on no sleep.She says I "have that part of mothering in the bag". And all though I agree, I am blessed this way, that doesn't mean I wouldn't love to sleep for more than an hour at a time!!! I finally know what true sleep feels like, for goodness sake. What a cruel trick to now only be allowed 1 hour time slots to enjoy the feeling!!
Anyway. This is the way it is now.Now that I can sleep, I have no opportunity. My mother said "wait until they are teenagers... then you'll have opportunity, but you'll be so worried, you will be sleepless still."
Thanks mom..you're a real peach. :)
So. You know you're tired when....
...you are stomping your foot angry that the microwave won't work. You are about to give up and then you realize the door is open.
...you are convinced that something is humming and no one can hear it but you.
...you look for the milk, forever, and then you find it sour, in the cupboard.
Go ahead and add yours under the comments, that's just my morning so far, I'll add more later :)
Oct 24th You know you're tired when you have a heart attack over your missing baby, but she's safely in the other room where you, of course, put her!
I remember being about 6 years old, and coming up with imaginary inventions of sleep aids. Like my imaginary dream cartridge that played "mind music" and soothing sounds. Or my imaginary wind down tool. I would literally envision a huge gear with a crank turning, and turning connected to imaginary strings attached to my brains "sleep department". Wild, eh? And this all "dreamed" up in the middle of the night in my little girl bedroom that oozed mauve and lace.
In my teen years it was worse. I started having brutal nightmares. Not just the super scary chased by a giant dog all the way to school type, but more of the "shit, should I have seen a child psychiatrist" variety. (Probably should have , really.) I think that this crazy psychological dreamscape contributed heavily to my need to "self medicate". Yeah, we'll call it that. I had my problems at school and at home, like all teenagers do. But, I don't know if the twist and turns in my head at night are so common. I would imagine that hormones have a lot to do with it. Also, I have no scientific evidence to base this upon, but I went on Birth Control pills at age 15, and I'm fairly certain that they made me more than a little crazy. Christ, I would cry at the drop of a mention of dropping a hat. And at night, I'd try to write all my emotions out before bed, hoping not to swim in dark thoughts all night long, and to just sleep. But more often than not, I would wake up after a few hours terrified, or understandably, not be able to drift off in the first place.
Then along came booze. I mentioned self mediating in my teen years, well for sure, I passed out more often than I slept. But in my 20s is when the real dependency kicked in. My hand grew a 6th finger I smoked so many cigarettes. About 2 packs a day actually. Disgusting. Happy to say it's been more that 4 years since I quit being a slave. Read this article on quitting I wrote on Squidoo if you want to hear more about that. http://www.squidoo.com/quit-smoking-for-health-its-simple-craving-free-today-fast So yeah, I smoked like a chimney, was high or else I was low, and I don't think I knew what sleeping without at least 6 drinks in me was like for about 5 years or so. I used to try not to have any more than 10 drinks That was the minimum. And then Gin and I hooked up, and that stat got WAY worse. Lets just say I was VERY ashamed of my recycling bin. I think I sufficiently made myself not dream at all, or at least be too drunk when I woke up to remember the dream for most of my 20's.
Phew, well that look at my 20's was depressing. Kind of got off on a tangent, but the point is that I suck at sleeping.I must say, to be fair, I wasn't exemplary at being awake either.
Now, as a squeaky clean, clear, shiny healthy mom in my 30's if you give me 30 seconds, I don't even need to be reclined and I can doze. No problem. Sometimes I have bad dreams, but they are relevant to my life, as in not from Hell. I am a worry wort so, I would expect my super cautious nature to seep into my sub-conscience, just a wee bit. The real bitch of it is, that, now that I can sleep, life won't let me. I fear that Mother Nature has a wicked sense of humor and has blessed me with children who are like me, and require no sleep. Yes, as my BFF has mentioned more than once, I am lucky to be so capable of being fully functional on no sleep.She says I "have that part of mothering in the bag". And all though I agree, I am blessed this way, that doesn't mean I wouldn't love to sleep for more than an hour at a time!!! I finally know what true sleep feels like, for goodness sake. What a cruel trick to now only be allowed 1 hour time slots to enjoy the feeling!!
Anyway. This is the way it is now.Now that I can sleep, I have no opportunity. My mother said "wait until they are teenagers... then you'll have opportunity, but you'll be so worried, you will be sleepless still."
Thanks mom..you're a real peach. :)
So. You know you're tired when....
...you are stomping your foot angry that the microwave won't work. You are about to give up and then you realize the door is open.
...you are convinced that something is humming and no one can hear it but you.
...you look for the milk, forever, and then you find it sour, in the cupboard.
Go ahead and add yours under the comments, that's just my morning so far, I'll add more later :)
Oct 24th You know you're tired when you have a heart attack over your missing baby, but she's safely in the other room where you, of course, put her!
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Quotes From Elway's World- Redemption
They start early, boys do. Working the charm. Batting the eyes. At first it's all "aren't I adorable", innocent enough stuff, but somewhere along the way the manipulative tactics begin...and I fear, it's only just that, the beginning.
Since this morning, I've been, how shall I say, flickin tired!! And I have felt like there is a big sign on my back begging anyone and everyone to do everything in their power to gnaw away at my last shred of sanity. And my kids, are no exception. Seriously, this is the text I just sent my husband.
"If he doesn't stop this faux agony whining I may have to end it for him. If anyone should be whining it's me. I've been puked and peed on twice, stepped in cat puke, and accidentally held human feces. When will you be home, we're having chicken."
If you are wondering, no, I don't concern myself with textiquette. If I have a lot to say, you're getting 5 pages.
Anyhoo, this is what went down in the grocery store. It's a wonder I'm not drunk right now.
Me: Kay, Buddy. Be on best behavior now, you promised Mumma.
Elway: Yes. I'm not going to run away. I'm going to stay close. I'm not going to grab stuff. OK? Capiche? Capiche.
Me: Good.
We walk in the store and with Halloween around the first meltdown is over a pumpkin.
Elway: I want to get a pumpkin to decorate Mommy
Me: We are going to wait til tomorrow and go with Daddy to pick one out.
Elway: Is tomorrow family day?
Me:Yes
Elway: I don't want to watch football mommy, I want to make a pumpkin.
Me: You mean a Jack-o-lantern, not a pumpkin.
BIG Mistake. Crying and screaming ensues after Elway is confused thinking we aren't ever getting a pumpkin.
I explain and eventually he's calmer.
Me: OK, we are going in now. Best behavior.
Elway: Mommy look CANDY!!!!
I am uber strict regarding candy. I never ever let him have any of the really junky stuff, chocolate on occasion, certain baked goods, with fruit gummies... but never ever the gumball variety crap. Not even at Halloween
Me: No. Maybe if you're good we can buy some cheesy popcorn.
Elway looks at me out of the corner of his eye, GRABS a thing of assorted junk, and RUNS. Fast. On a Saturday at the grocery store, while I might ad I have Isla in the snugli making it a little hard to, you know, sprint. He doesn't get very far before a very kind dad with an infant in his cart grabs Elway's hoodie for me and hold him there.
There is much conversation, during which I use his full name, and he calls me a mean-iac.
Passers by jest that I have my hands full. Ya think?? Can you imagine if I let him eat the gumballs?
Anyway, I hold his hand dragging him through he store while he whines and whines and finally we are at the front cash where every cashier has met Elway before... and love his baby blues..
Elway: (whining) This just makes me sad
Seriously, this is what he says.... the drama drips!!
Me: You? You're fine. I'm the one who just had a heart attack.
Elway: (to the cash lady) I ran away from mommy and she had a heart attack.
Lady: You did? Well that's not very good... aren't you a good boy for your mommy?
Elway: No. I ran away to Elway World and was never going to come back because mommy said I can't have a pumpkin.
The cash lady's eyebrows raise.
Me: I said he couldn't have candy, not the pumpkin... Elway, I told you we are getting a pumpkin with Daddy tomorrow.
Elway: I'm sad because I don't want to watch football, so I ran away..
You'd think we chain him to a chair or something. His flickin lip quivers...the lady looks concerned... she is below average intelligence.
Lady: Aw.. you could come home with me
I hate her.
Elway: No I just want mommy to be happy. I want to buy her flowers.
The flowers are half dead.
Me: Oh... thanks bear, but that's OK. Mommy knows you are sorry for running away.
Elway: Aren't I allowed to buy you flowers Mommy? I love you so much.
I see Oscars in his future, but I buy the flowers anyway.
Elway: Don't I get a "thank-you"?
Me: (With a hug and kiss) You're unbelievable bear. Unbelievable.
Elway: Now can I get a pumpkin?
Me: *Sigh* No pumpkin.
The lady is happy. Elway is happy. The flowers are happy because they finally got a drink.
And you know, it's about time someone bought me some flowers. Somehow, my husband is in shit.
Since this morning, I've been, how shall I say, flickin tired!! And I have felt like there is a big sign on my back begging anyone and everyone to do everything in their power to gnaw away at my last shred of sanity. And my kids, are no exception. Seriously, this is the text I just sent my husband.
"If he doesn't stop this faux agony whining I may have to end it for him. If anyone should be whining it's me. I've been puked and peed on twice, stepped in cat puke, and accidentally held human feces. When will you be home, we're having chicken."
If you are wondering, no, I don't concern myself with textiquette. If I have a lot to say, you're getting 5 pages.
Anyhoo, this is what went down in the grocery store. It's a wonder I'm not drunk right now.
Me: Kay, Buddy. Be on best behavior now, you promised Mumma.
Elway: Yes. I'm not going to run away. I'm going to stay close. I'm not going to grab stuff. OK? Capiche? Capiche.
Me: Good.
We walk in the store and with Halloween around the first meltdown is over a pumpkin.
Elway: I want to get a pumpkin to decorate Mommy
Me: We are going to wait til tomorrow and go with Daddy to pick one out.
Elway: Is tomorrow family day?
Me:Yes
Elway: I don't want to watch football mommy, I want to make a pumpkin.
Me: You mean a Jack-o-lantern, not a pumpkin.
BIG Mistake. Crying and screaming ensues after Elway is confused thinking we aren't ever getting a pumpkin.
I explain and eventually he's calmer.
Me: OK, we are going in now. Best behavior.
Elway: Mommy look CANDY!!!!
I am uber strict regarding candy. I never ever let him have any of the really junky stuff, chocolate on occasion, certain baked goods, with fruit gummies... but never ever the gumball variety crap. Not even at Halloween
Me: No. Maybe if you're good we can buy some cheesy popcorn.
Elway looks at me out of the corner of his eye, GRABS a thing of assorted junk, and RUNS. Fast. On a Saturday at the grocery store, while I might ad I have Isla in the snugli making it a little hard to, you know, sprint. He doesn't get very far before a very kind dad with an infant in his cart grabs Elway's hoodie for me and hold him there.
There is much conversation, during which I use his full name, and he calls me a mean-iac.
Passers by jest that I have my hands full. Ya think?? Can you imagine if I let him eat the gumballs?
Anyway, I hold his hand dragging him through he store while he whines and whines and finally we are at the front cash where every cashier has met Elway before... and love his baby blues..
Elway: (whining) This just makes me sad
Seriously, this is what he says.... the drama drips!!
Me: You? You're fine. I'm the one who just had a heart attack.
Elway: (to the cash lady) I ran away from mommy and she had a heart attack.
Lady: You did? Well that's not very good... aren't you a good boy for your mommy?
Elway: No. I ran away to Elway World and was never going to come back because mommy said I can't have a pumpkin.
The cash lady's eyebrows raise.
Me: I said he couldn't have candy, not the pumpkin... Elway, I told you we are getting a pumpkin with Daddy tomorrow.Elway: I'm sad because I don't want to watch football, so I ran away..
You'd think we chain him to a chair or something. His flickin lip quivers...the lady looks concerned... she is below average intelligence.
Lady: Aw.. you could come home with me
I hate her.
Elway: No I just want mommy to be happy. I want to buy her flowers.
The flowers are half dead.
Me: Oh... thanks bear, but that's OK. Mommy knows you are sorry for running away.
Elway: Aren't I allowed to buy you flowers Mommy? I love you so much.
I see Oscars in his future, but I buy the flowers anyway.
Elway: Don't I get a "thank-you"?
Me: (With a hug and kiss) You're unbelievable bear. Unbelievable.
Elway: Now can I get a pumpkin?
Me: *Sigh* No pumpkin.
The lady is happy. Elway is happy. The flowers are happy because they finally got a drink.
And you know, it's about time someone bought me some flowers. Somehow, my husband is in shit.
Quotes From Elway's World- Powers
Jim worked late so I couldn't sleep til he got home.
The baby is now teething.
Elway was up 3 times last night.
Was it a full moon?
Or Worse, will it be one tonight?
Elway is sitting in MY rocking chair and won't get out.
Elway: Mommy. Why do you like your rocking chair?
Me: (SOOO TIRED) I don't know.
Elway: Do you like to rock like this?
(He starts to rock the chair so hard that it is bamming against the corner of the wall way behind it.)
Me: No.
(He continues for about 2 minutes)
Me: Stop it Elway.
(Continues)
Me: Bear. Stop bamming the chair.
Elway: This is how mommies lose their power.
Me: Do tell
Elway: (Sing songs this to the beat of the bam) The bamming is making my mommy lose her mind.
Me: Dont make me count....
Elway: (It continues, with big smiles) The bamming is making my mommy lose her powers.
Me: 5...4...
BAM!! BAM!! BAM!!
Me: Nevermind. Time Out!!! Go, go, go!!!
Elway: (From time out, kind of muttering) Mean-iac.... you have no powers in Elway's world.
My message to you. Enjoy every second that your child is adorable.
Friday, 21 October 2011
My Isla
So. I write an awful lot about my son, Elway, but so far not too much about my daughter as yet. Well, just thought tonight I'd say why. (Even though I will probably cry doing so)
First, Elway, light of my life, is a total piece of work. He talks, pretty constantly. It's interesting, even hilarious at times. I will never ever run out of commentary with him around. Writing about him is like breathing really.
Second, *sigh*.... it is hard for me to put into words how I feel about my daughter. I never knew how much I wanted a girl. I even thought I didn't want one, because, I was scared. I still haven't exactly figured out exactly why, but it's the truth. In fact, I had a terrible time trying to come to terms with having a second child at all. Not because I didn't want to sacrifice my time, my figure, my sleep, but rather because I felt so much guilt at dividing my attention and love from my son. And I was terrified that something might jeopardize my health and take me away from Jim and Elway. Or even that I would suffer postpartum.... I was just very emotional and scared.
Third. How am I supposed to say anything about her without just gushing all over the place? What good would that do anyone? And she is always right in front of me, almost always smiling, just waiting for me to look at her and smile or to hold her. She is just pure love. See?
2 Poems Ripped From My Soul For One Dumb Guy
I wanted to steal it,
that reserved place in your heart.
I couldn't heal it
Mine had just fell apart.
And now I see the trouble
with living for the security
of a love bubble.
~
I seen you again,
there you were,
on my sleeve.
On my sleeve.
The colours race back
in your face
in my tattoo.
You
branded there,
and here's from him
and there's from him
Is anywhere on me left bare?
Is any flesh unmarred by a chance I took to care
I seen you again
& now I miss my skin
not yours.
I don't dare.
There's nothing left of what I saw when I painted you.
I wore you well.
I wore you well.
You.
My tattoo,
you left me naked as the day I was born
My favorite thing I've ever worn.
Thanks for seeming
somewhat torn.
~
that reserved place in your heart.
I couldn't heal it
Mine had just fell apart.
And now I see the trouble
with living for the security
of a love bubble.
~
I seen you again,
there you were,
on my sleeve.
On my sleeve.
The colours race back
in your face
in my tattoo.
You
branded there,
and here's from him
and there's from him
Is anywhere on me left bare?
Is any flesh unmarred by a chance I took to care
I seen you again
& now I miss my skin
not yours.
I don't dare.
There's nothing left of what I saw when I painted you.
I wore you well.
I wore you well.
You.
My tattoo,
you left me naked as the day I was born
My favorite thing I've ever worn.
Thanks for seeming
somewhat torn.
~
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