Smoke Free All By Yourself - The Time Is Now!

Every Person Has Their Own Reason To Quit - And They Are All The Right Reasons

I used to smoke approximately 2 packs a day. I did this for 15 years. Just so you know, smoking 2 packs a day is practically a full time job. Of course, I already had a full time job, so smoking had to be done constantly when not working. Frequently I had a smoke going while showering, while bike riding, while eating,  vacuuming, etc. If you have yet get the picture, I used to wake in the middle of the night just to smoke. A lot. Not to mention,  that if I didn't have a smoke in hand, I was likely thinking somewhere in the back of my mind (at least) about the next time I would have one. I even had nightmares about running out of cigarettes - what a ridiculous waste of perfectly good sub-conscience brain space! It's really a wonder I managed to do anything that wasn't really cigarette related at all. Honestly, I am not too certain I did much that wasn't smoking related. Perhaps that is why I never accomplished very much in my 20's. Seriously.

Here Is The First Picture Of Me Smoke Free!

With My Darling Husband Jim

 

I quit when I first discovered I was pregnant (Oops) with my son.
It took me less than 7 days. It didn't hurt.
In fact I could have quit faster, but having been such a heavy smoker I feared the worst for my child if I put my body into shock, so I weaned very gradually for one week. My last few drags tasted awful... just as they always had!! Only now I could admit it- how much I hated the stupid little masters of my life.
I know what you're thinking, as I've heard it before. 'You quit because of the baby, that's different.' Though this may be the case to some extent, there is so such more to the picture.
I always wanted to be a mom. When I was finally having a baby, it made me realize that I wanted to live out my life. That things that I dreamed I could be when I was young could come into fruition. I learned that my actions could have consequences to the negative effect, or the positive, and it was only my choice of which one.
My reason to quit, although it was very important to me,was not just to protect my unborn child. My reason was that I really wanted to live my whole life and now nothing was going to take my future away from me!
After I had found my reason to quit I became strong in knowing that I was worth the effort!! Well I was, and I am, and that is why it was so easy. It can be easy to quit quickly, painlessly, for free, and forever for anyone, who knows that they are worth extending a hand to if they were hanging over a cliff. You just have to extend your own hand, be your own superhero! Now that sounds like fun, doesn't it?

What To Expect From Withdrawal

Big Mean Cravings Wont Stand A Chance

Big Mean Craving sneaks up on you - WHAM! It didn't expect you to be so prepared. Honestly, the cravings are about as hard to manage as this:

Day One. Like saying no to Forbidden Nookie. Except this is easier because you need to go to get cigarettes, buy them, unwrap them, and fire them up. Usually Forbidden Nookie will do all those things on their own.

Day Two. Like saying no to chocolate peanut butter cheesecake. Tough. But not impossible. Repeat after me. 'A moment on the lips, A lifetime on the hips'. And when you say no one time, the feeling of superiority rushes through you replacing that need for a high.

Day Three. Like saying no to Forbidden Nookie offering you chocolate peanut butter cheesecake that you have been wanting and haven't had in three days. Sounds too good to be true because it is. If you cave today you will immediately get a wicked headache, possibly the runs, and when you look in the mirror you'll swear you are aging as you breathe. Day three is the hardest but only if you cave. And you wont do that because you will use all the avoidance of craving tricks all day long until you finally rest and have psycho dreams (just being honest).

Day Four. You're done. People who say 21 days and other numbers out of the air just want you to buy their product. Sure you will still have urges, but don't you have urges you ignore every day? I mean, sometimes I want to just hit people... but I dont. No assault charges pending here...how about you?

Pat yourself on the back. You are a non-smoker. You want this and now its done. Your vicious cycle, has just morphed into a self fulfilled prophecy that you are in control of. You want an active now, an active old age, you want not to age faster than your years, you want to avoid a multitude of awful diseases and ailments, you want to see your children's children marry, climb a mountain, sing on Broadway, or run a marathon. Maybe you just want to stop smelling bad, wasting your money (handing it over to huge companies that poison you and addict you for profit), looking stupid, getting cranky all the time, and setting a crap example for the little people in your world. Find your reason, I say, FIND YOUR REASON.

Your 'Go To' List of Craving Busters

(AKA Things You Should Do Anyways)

1. Drink water. By the time you get to pouring it... your almost through the worst part, and the hydration is always a good thing

2. Go look in the mirror and tell your self you are proud of your decision. Sounds cheesy but it works.

3. No mirror? Find a mantra. Dont say anything with the words smoking or cigarettes in it. You don't have a hate on for these words quite bad enough yet, but they are still negative. We want a positive mantra. I used to say (ahem) "I am the creator of my destiny, and I choose happiness." The mantra is good anytime anywhere.

4. Eat a carrot. The hand to mouth habit is a hard one for people. That was me. Orally fixated. Well don't revert to thumb sucking, grab a healthy snack. Try celery, which is actually a negative food- meaning: requires more calories to chew and digest than it contains, or cauliflower or broccoli - proven to help battle the bulge around your middle, or like I did have carrots. They are a little high in sugar but then you need no dip, and they are also great for your vision. Careful with the carrots though, apparently they are addictive. (Seriously, Google this, it's wild! Or check out my blog about it at http://merstarr.blogspot.com/2011/10/carrot-addiction-seriously.html

5. Workout. You don't have to go all out unless you want to. Just a quick stroll, or a set of sit-ups, some jumping jacks, throw around some weights, anything. Just 3 minutes of exercise, a handful of times a day, will seriously boost your metabolism, and will make you happy. Literally.

6. Catch some rays. If the weather wont allow, find a tanning salon. I don't recommend getting a tan, but a little light therapy goes a long way.

7. Write out your irritations when you are nic-fitting. Don't read them again for 1 week, then return to them and read how silly they seem. ;P

8.Call for support. A friend, a support line (see Quick References), Start by leaving me a message... you already know that I care!!

9. If there is some way to facilitate it, have some nookie. Endorphines are good. Self explanatory.

10. I believe that we all have music that can fully change our mood in a matter of seconds. Create a playlist on your iPod or fave music device that lifts you up, and keep it handy!

11. Usually I'd do ten, but here's one more for good measure. Save up all your smoke money one craving at a time. Every craving put $1 in a jar, then after you crave no more, put what you would have spent on smokes each week in there. Set a goal for something great! Pamper yourself with a healthy or luxurious treat, plan a  day trip to somewhere beautiful, book a spa day, save for an exercise bike, whatever will make you happy!! At the end of theday, when you think back on whatever you got up to, you will reflect "hey, I didn't need a cigarette to enjoy life today!" And that is the truth, every day.

Hope these help you out!! Remember... one day at a time is really very easy!!

The Truth Is

You Find A Reason and Then Decide- It Really Is That Simple

This is the truth that anyone who has truly quit for good and forever knows all about. When you really want to be a non-smoker, you will be a non-smoker. Every person I know that has "fallen off the wagon" views quitting smoking as a severing of personality, a cutting off of ones arm, an absence of identity, passion, completeness. Like a little carcinogenic stick could really be a best friend, and not just a weapon for self loathing and destruction.
Well, the truth is, quitting smoking reveals your true personality. The stressed out you will be relieved when you aren't feeling like there is something you are missing all the time (even while you smoke).
The truth is, that the arm you cut off is not yours at all. It's the arm of addiction. The one that points at you in the mirror with disdain for every failure to quit, for every acceptance that you 'quit quitting'. This is not only a mock arm, it is the arm of mockery. It is the extension of your thought that imagines that quitting is lame and smoking is cool. This very same arm promotes suicide, and heroin addiction. You REALLY don't need this arm. And it's not yours, so that's kind of creepy. Cut that thing off :).
The truth is that your identity has been absent for as long as you've been smoking. It is the number one reason, I believe, for why people start to smoke in the first place. Not so much a peer pressure, as a self pressure applied to define ones self. Human beings have an insatiable hunger to belong, and smoking seems like a club. It used to be a club for the attractive, alluring, even mysterious and elusive. Now it is a club for people who have very bad skin, teeth and nails. Who wheeze when they breathe, and cant catch their breath from the car to the front door. Yeah, lung disease, heart disease, impotence, cancer are a club all right, but Im certain the members would give anything to get off that VIP list.
Bottom line. We all have our reasons for wanting to quit. But if you don't have a reason to just quit... here's one. Love yourself. Want your future. I want it for you and we've never even met! 

10 Reasons To Love Jack Johnson

I felt like writing an article on Jack. Because I just love him, but also just so I could say I wrote an article on jack :)

We listen to Jack a whole bunch, possibly more than any other artist at our house. My kids are growing up with his gentle and honest voice singing important life lessons about being a good human, as a part of the soundtrack of their lives. For this I am so thankful, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

1. The music is beautiful and the vibe is so chilled. It is perfect for cuddling by the fire, coffee with a newspaper, a sunny day by the water, remembering the wonderful moments of your life, forgetting about a traffic jam, lulling my kids into a calm, a gathering with friends, and sing, sing, singing along What can I say, 'Jack, you warm my heart!'
2. He loves the planet. Jack and his band are always trying to raise environmental awareness. The environment is a prevalent theme in the charities he contributes to, and he even writes songs with eco-friendly messages and somehow makes them mainstream. Like "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle". (When I first heard the phrase, it didn't exactly scream popular culture to me.) Jack even has a 100 percent solar-powered recording studio on Hawaii's Oahu Island. Now that's cool.
3. He makes lemonade. Jack was poised to be a professional surfer and starting to receive due notice in the sport, but at age of 17 a severe injury laid him up for 2 months. Many people would become bitter over such an event, and wallow in their misery. Jack chose to take the opportunity to improve his guitar playing skills. No sour lemons there.
4. Mr. Johnson would probably not like to be called Mr.Johnson. Sorry Jack :)
5. Jack is humble. If you search high and low, you wont find any press refuting this fact. He lives in a great spot, has an awesome studio, surfs, plays guitar, sings and writes music. He is charitable, loves the environment, nature and his wife and kids and friends. Not a whole lot of glamour shots happening here.
6. Surfing is awesome. Film making is awesome. Being a singer/songwriter guitarist is awesome. Jack is kind of 'all round cool'. In another life time he and I were very tight.... I'm pretty sure.
7. He is wise. Behind the mellow exterior there is a high functioning mind. Reading his interviews you can learn a lot. He is seriously a very interesting man. Where as many celebrities only want to discuss how fab they are. Check out the interview links in this article. I particularly love what he has to say in the Mother Love interview about educating children on environmental issues.
8. Jack can really play guitar. You might not even notice how awesome the trademark strumming and string muting are in his music for being caught up in his dreamy voice and eloquent lyrics, but the man has skills.
9. Jack cares. His songs often a vehicle for messages of love and also of wisdom for how to act in this world, but he doesn't just talk the talk. Above and beyond the extensive list of causes he supports, he is responsible for the creation of a few charitable organizations including the All At Once Campaign, the Johnson Ohana Charitable, and the Kokua Hawaii Foundation. Learn more about Jack's charities at http://www.looktothestars.org .
10. Last but not least, he's so handsome. He's an example of when a human is nice to look at, and then you learn more about them, and it only makes you want to see more. The beauty is most definitely not skin deep. Nice catch Mrs. Johnson. Nice catch.

See the rest of my article with videos, interviews and more at 

http://www.squidoo.com/jack-johnson-the-voice-of-a-man

Peace & Love

The Unintentional Weight Loss Plan

I just figured out something interesting. Seeing as how I haven't quite enough time to fit a consistent workout into my daily routine, I am going to lose weight by being creatively lazy. Are you ready for this? Here is how.

It started out that was trying save money and still feed my carrot addiction. I have admitted to my problem but am not ready yet to quit.
(If you didn't read about check out http://merstarr.blogspot.com/2011/10/carrot-addiction-seriously.html where I explain the whole situation.)

 I had the thought that it is much cheaper to buy the big bag of whole carrots and cut them myself, than to buy embarrassing amounts of the bags of baby cut carrots. Rocket science, I know. So I got them home and as always, dove in. When I am out of carrots, there is always an urgency.

I was all proud of myself saving money that first day, and so it all felt very satisfying, especially the carrot part. But after the glow wore off, the chore of chopping the carrots grew tiresome. I discovered I disliked the prep-work involved intensely actually.

Cutting carrots is very annoying. They are rolley, and hard to cut at all, nevermind uniformly. Not to mention I suddenly had to bear witness to the imperfections of the vegetable. The little hairs? The stems that seem to bleed green into the whole end of the carrot? What an eye opener! Not just to the truth about carrots, but to my own snobbery. One more beef about the carrots was that the act of chopping them is very loud. No more sneaking into the fridge to grab a few and crunching as quietly as possible while the kids are sleeping. Now I may as well have a habit of slamming doors for how discreet I can be.

It is all very sad. But really, has more than halved my carrot intake. Which also means I am eating substantially less dip!

And that's when it hit me.

If I buy things I have to make myself to eat, perhaps I will be too lazy to make them and therefore wont have them to eat. This sounded good, but then I realized that it would waste money, and I won't do that, so I would have to go one step further.

I decided  I am going to blog all my recipes in my Mrs.F's Favorite Apron.  The act of writing will eat into my already very limited time for baking and cooking. Plus, I will hardly be able to blog about chopping carrots all the time, or get stuck on any one food, like perhaps Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies, which incidentally I will be baking tomorrow so look for the blog (My Cookies Rock).  No, I will need variety for the blog, so I will have to make things like Arugula Salad, which will be my dinner tonight! Do you see the method to my madness here?

Now there are yet a few glitches I need to work out. If I bake a whole batch of cookies, I will want to eat them, and that's not good... so I will bring at least half of them to our next playdate, and plan treats around events in the future as well! Problem solved and with an added bonus of everyone being happy I brought treats!

Another issue... if I am spending extra time in front of the computer typing up recipes, well my but won't exactly be melting away, will it??..... So, I will walk to the store especially to buy ingredients everyday. Lovely. We always walk Jim to work in the morning, so we will just add an afternoon stroll to the program.

There you have it. I can't think of any other problems with the plan. Except that I do so miss my baby carrots still...

Perhaps since I am going to be such a good girl with this new plan, I can treat myself to the baby cut carrots again. And now that I am in a great mood, I am off to make Arugula Salad dressing :)

Pop Quiz. Am I Cranky?

I just threw out my socks.

You're clever...was it:

a) because I am apparently un-coordinated while cleaning the cat litter
b) because the makers of compost bin bags should really refer to them as liners, seeing as how they don't actually hold anything once in use... Oh wait, they do call them liners
c) because I really shouldn't ever wear socks with sandals even in East Hamilton on garbage day and only to the curb
d) because Jim bought me these socks and he conveniently has always worked long hours on garbage day everywhere we have ever lived
e) all of the above

Quotes From Elway's World - He's Full Of One Liners Today

A friend of mine posted in our Mom Network on Facebook that she was patiently awaiting the end of the Terrible Twos. Oh... just wait I told her!! Age three seems to be when they turn into verbose, opinionated, hilarious, but exacerbating three's!! Thank goodness for the hilarious part...


We cannot find the remote, and it is "finally" time for a show.

Elway: You lost it Mommy!!
Me: I didn't have it last, Daddy did. (All true.)
Elway: Then Daddy is positively wicked fired!

Yes. That is what he said exactly.

______________________________________________________________________________


Having dinner.

Elway: Mommy?? Where is the rest?
Me: The rest of what?
Elway: I need some cheese.
Me: For your chicken?
Elway: For Jerry.
Me: Who is Jerry?
Elway: Hello? He's a mouse. That is why I need the cheese!

_______________________________________________________________________________


Earlier on we were drawing and Elway ran out of ideas after his octopus (which is totally going on my wall).

Elway: I don't know what to make.
Me: Make what ever you like.
Elway: What I like makes me happy.
Me: Yes.

This is what he did. 

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After that, I had to go get the camera. Still he wanted something to create. I suggested a sandwich, then returned to putting away some laundry. 

Elway: MOMMY!! I made a sandwich!!!

I grabbed my camera and came in to find this,

He thinks he is pretty darn funny.

____________________________________________________________________________

Earlier still. My daughter was chewing on a toy that used to be his, causing him a little sibling rivalry that I had my eye on. I left the room for 2 seconds to get water for him at his request and heard something that sounded an awful lot like the toy flying across the room, and then Isla was wailing, and then Elway's little feet ran back across the room.

Me: Elway? What happened?

Elway: The toy is over there and she's sad.

Me: And how did that happen?

Elway: It was the wind.

Me: There is no wind inside the house. Wind only happens outside. 

Elway: Not in Elways World!! It's always windy inside in Elway's World!!!

Me: (Containing all jokes involving Elway's wind- because of course he will remember and use them when I don't want him too!) Did you take the toy from your sister?

Elway: No Mommy, there was a train that went by...

Me: Elway! There was no train! No wind. Now get the toy and give it back to Isla. 

Elway: I can't.

Me: And why not?

Elway: I am stuck to the floor with glue. 

Irritated now. I go and pretend to un-stick his feet. 

Me: Now go and give her that toy back. You need to share! (He hasn't like the toy since he was her age)

Elway: No. This is mine! And I did share with her!!

Me: What did you share, honey?

Elway: I let her play with the train!!

Yes... he meant the one in Elway's World. And I am nursing my daughter, so I can't even drink. 

Generation To Generation

The Importance Of Your Favorite Music

As we grow up, we inadvertently create the soundtracks of our lives. It isn't noticeable while it happens, but one day you look back and listen, and there it is. The most wonderful, awful, and sometimes seemingly unimportant moments, are attached as memories to all this wonderful music. Sometimes, a song will come on and trigger a memory, and you are feeling the way you felt back then, before you even know why. I'm pretty sure this is as true for me as it is for most people.
So tonight I was listening to some music on my iPod, and a few songs came on that I would definitely identify as being music from the soundtrack of my life. The I realized that the music was made long before my time. Some of this music, I discovered myself, for certain, but right now I am referring to the music passed on to me to listen to, and live to, by my parents. It occurs to me now, as a parent, how much it means to me that we share some of the same soundtrack, and we always will.

"Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes." -Bill Cosby

If The Music Defines The Generation, What Else Is It Responsible For?

The times are always 'a changin'' and so are the sounds that accompany each era. From blind optimism to political uprising, music has been a vehicle for messages from one tortured time to the next.
With every new hero/heroin or pop culture icon, a little cult forms in the listening public, and those believers hold onto the message of their chosen one like it's gospel.
To paraphrase, Joseph Campbell, (an American mythologist, lecturer and writer, most noted for his study of comparitive religion and mythology), said that the youth of today, are in need of a new religion. He said that the mythologies of the past are not reaching young people nowadays and so they seek their own sub-cultural societies, gangs, cults, etc. This, I believe has been the case for quite a long time.

If this is so, then we need to be listening to the soundtrack of their new belief structures, and moreover my point entirely, is that as parents we need to be passing on the best music from our generation and the great ones before us that were passed on to us. We need, to keep it real.
So many of the people that I knew throughout my youth, had zero knowledge of any music that wasn't in the top 40 in their life time. I can recall playing mixed tapes (yes tapes) as a teenager, and other teens I worked with asking me if the Led Zeppelin song I was playing was new, cause they thought it was pretty good. Yeah.. its 'pretty good' I'd said. What a travesty. I set them straight, but what a close call!! They could almost as easily moved on through life, become bankers, and never known who Led Zeppelin was. Enough said.

See the rest of this article with all (or lots of anyway) ''my music'' and more. Check it out at

http://www.squidoo.com/workshop/the-importance-of-passing-on-the-best-music-generation-to-generation

Late Frost Plea - A Haiku

Silent static lawn

sun thaws crisp blades, bent begging

Snow, blanket me soon.

Quotes From Elway's World- An Early Visit!!

I always wake about a minute before the first "Mommy!!" of the day. This morning, his voice was still sweet but a little stressed coming down the hall in the darkness.

Elway: Mommy!!! I think you better come see this!
Me: (Whisper yelling.)  Coming Bear..................
What is it Honey?

I can't see a thing as his room is darker (intentionally) than the rest of the house.


Elway: (Whispering) Momma. Do you see this? Someone was in my room!!
Me: What? No one was in your room Honey.
Elway: Yes they were!! It was snowing, so Santa came, but he didn't leave me a present! He just took my pillow, Mommy!! For his sleigh!!

I have been feeling around for my fluffy, blond, bedhead, and now I hold a foot. I reach for the lamp now-

Elway: See Momma, it's hard... NO PILLOW!!

I turn on the light and he is upside down with his head pushed against the foot-board.

Me: I spin him upright and hug him, scrambling up his blankets, which are everywhere.

Elway: Is it Christmas, Mommy?
Me: No Honey. December 25th. There are 15 days left in November... then 25 in December before Santa comes... See your pillow? Right here.
Elway: (Dismayed) December 25th?

I hug him more rubbing the chill off his arms.

Me: You're cold.
Elway: That's cause it was snowing!! Maybe Santa left my pillow... but put me upside down???
Me: Maybe.... probably checking in to see if you've been a good boy.
Elway: I have been today!!
Me: (Laughing) You just woke up!
Elway: Well he shouldn't have left me upside down with no blankets.
Me: Especially not when it is snowing... I will have to have words with him about that!
Elway: Send him a text.

I had to run and hug him after writing this down just now!! Christmas is for kids... but that's what makes it magical for parents!!

Quotes From Elway's World - Santa Claus Parade

So this weekend, Santa came to town. Neither my husband nor I really enjoy parades at all, but this wasn't about us. Christmas is for kids not parents.

I am seriously not a big fan of hauling both kids downtown by myself using public transit on an average day, never mind on a day when the whole city shows up. The concept of doing it all over again, gives me anxiety just sitting in my kitchen. Unfortunately for my nerves, Jim and I had been brainstorming on ways to improve our sons behavior (pretty common chat we have) and remembered that last year, we waited too long to take full advantage of the perk for parents of the season!  'Santa is watching and if you are naughty, he might not bring presents in his sleigh for you!!' What a wonderful opportunity to have a new means with which to bribe our son into better behavior. Upon this realization, I just couldn't let the parade pass us by!

Unfortunately the parade time, 2pm, made it impossible for the Bear to have his  nap. If only you all knew how truly brave I was to take on a 'no nap day' under these circumstances.

Earlier that day, we got up and went out with daddy for breakfast, then walked to the bank, and stopped at the little Farmers Market in our hood. So, I had to pre-pack my bag of tricks, for when we stopped home real quick before leaving again. It was going to be a very long day. I strapped Isla to my chest, and Elway got in the stroller and we were off. He was ridiculously excited and Isla seemed a little brighter eyed as well, the scent of adventure in the air.

We had a few stops to make on the itinerary. The library near us has been closed for a while, so we would go to the main branch, and my girlfriend Nina works at the Farmers Market so we would have an excuse to do a little browsing there. Then mosey on over to the parade and, like mother of the year, I will get them home in time to make supper, give baths, and have our bedtimes stories for night-nights. Piece of cake.

At first everything seemed to go according to plan. We stopped in to visit Nina at the candy stand where she works, made the fatal error of buying the advent calendar in Elway's earshot with almost 3 weeks to go before he can have the first chocolate. He showed signs of becoming a little thug as he tried to pilfer candies as soon as my back was turned. So I ta-taa-ed on his hand put them back on the shelf, finished up some chit-chat and we were off to the library.

It's a very open concept library, unlike our branch with it's completely contained children's floor. There is a view of the market below, that the bear really enjoyed. There is a 'whole wall of fishies' aquarium that struck his fancy as well. The farm toy table was spotted first and that was a pretty good time, but then he saw the Thomas the Train table with "a super windy bridge" and "WAY more trains than our library!!". This had all his attention and I knew would keep it. Which was a total blessing because, after trying the nursing room four times and getting excessive drool on my shirt I decided to nurse Isla, right smack dab in the middle of everything. This can be tricky if he isn't captivated and all of the sudden takes off. I am incapacitated to get after him in a big hurry without plunking Isla down in the stroller and running off with unladylike composure. But between the trains and the talkative lady beside me's son Kyle who was 9 and reported to have Tourette Syndrome occupying his attention, I felt it was a pretty safe bet that I could get  at a good feeding in Isla. He played quite well really. A few times he would try to hog a toy, or try to boss Kyle around, but Kyle was nobodies lackey. Kyle just put my Bubba right back in his place, and I was fine with that. Kyle's mom however, lets just be polite and say she was not my acquired taste for company. The acronym TMI comes to mind. In a matter of ten minutes I learned the 'challenges' of all her children and her husband, their faith, their homeschooling practices, where she and her hubby Nick hailed from, her entire family including her sisters and parents dietary requirements, her pets names, Frieda the cat and Ludwig the dog. I learned that they have a 1995 Dodge Caravan, where it is parked for the parade, where she parked for the last three years of parades, what snacks they brought, and which ones she would be purchasing at the market before they headed down there. There's more, and no I don't forget, but you get the idea.

I nursed, changed Isla's but, walked around picking out books, loaded up the stroller again, grabbed Elway, decided I needed another coffee before the parade and left the library. She never stopped talking at me the whole time. I stopped nodding politely about 5 minutes in, when I realized she fully did not care.I said good-bye while she continued on about her mud room cleaning "making way for winter clothes". *Sigh* I was on my way to a coffee... I mean a parade.

After I got the coffee in me, we headed out to the street along with 10 000 others. It was even busier than I'd expected. Much, much busier. I wish I were a little less OCD at times like these. My eyes were darting around checking that all my precious commodities were accounted for and safe. I am a bit of a worry wort, but at least I accept it and don't worry about it anymore... that was exhausting. I can't help my self. I would check that Isla was breathing while she slept in her snugli against me about every 2 minutes or less. Elway stood with in an arm length of me the entire time, and I had the eye in the back of my head on our stroller and contents. This would have all been fine, but every now and then something, an elf or whatever, would distract me from monitoring all the checkpoints and my heart would skip a beat. Suddenly I'd grip Elway's shoulder and whip my head around at all the people brushing my shoulders, while poking Isla in the cheek to see her grimace, and then I'd reach for the stroller and survey the situation as safe and realize I should breathe. It was after I did this about 50 times in one hour that I realized I never wanted to take the kids to an event like this again without Jim.

It got worse. My exhausted son started to lose patience. The parade was long. Very, very long. Isla needed to be bounced, Elway ate every snack I brought and drank everything but my coffee. He looked like a zombie and started to complain that he couldn't get on the floats but "other kids were on them', and every helper that passed out apples and noisemakers and stickers, ran out of goods as soon as they saw his or my hand outstretched. The music helped, providing us with a reason to dance, which is incidentally the only reason I didn't get hypothermia as, classically, I dressed my babes for the weather but not myself. To put the cherry on top, we had five "SYKE! Not Santa!!" moments. Parade organizers should ban the dressing up as Santa look alikes, or as Grinch's or Mrs. Claus's as from a distance they all "LOOK LIKE SANTA'S COMING!!". Enough said.

After the parade, the city bus refused to top to pick up my wide load and I walked nearly 5 km with Isla still strapped to my chest and Elway "are we there yet" -ing the whole way. I started right in on the  It was 6 pm before I got in the door. I was just in the nick of time to perform all my housewife/ mommy duties.

But wait... that wasn't the point of this blog. Was it?

When Santa finally arrived on the scene my weary son was so very excited. We saw the sleigh and reindeer and I verified "Yes, Bubba! It's really him!" I haven't been so excited to see St.Nicklaus since I believed in him. There were 9 year olds less impressed than me. I clapped joyously, bouncing my baby girl and grabbing Elway's hand, smiling broadly, and at first he was thrilled too...

Me: Honey, what's the matter?? That's Santa baby! We finally saw him! Now we can go home and write him a letter, and know that every day, he will be checking in his magic snow-globe, watching to make sure you are nice and not naughty, which I know you will be..... Bubba? What's wrong?

He looks like such a sad puppy. All given up inside.

Elway: It's no fair.
Me: About getting on the float Honey?
Elway: I thought a parade was fun, but it's not Momma.
Me: OK... why?
Elway: (shaking his head at the folly) Santa just rode by me Momma. He just kept on going and rode by me!
Me: I told you that was what would happen today, Bear... I am sorry you are upset.
Elway: I had fun with you Mommy, but parades are silly.

So next year, we will be watching from the couch. Can't say I am heartbroken over it. Nope. Not at all. :)

Paper Poppies

I have never smelled a real poppy,
much less stood in Flanders Fields
Never been in the trenches,
or walked through the ruins of my efforts
I've always had warm meals and my bed.

I write this freely,
no one governs the thoughts in my head.
I do not understand war
or necessary evils of any kind.
The casualties so grave,
this sort of loss
has not been mine.
There is no way to remember
what I can't even fathom.


But I will never forget
how grateful I am for these truths.

And to those who
afforded them
at such a cost.

I pray the poppies help you sleep.
Love,
gratitude
and peace.


Art: Poppy Fields - Bev Livingstone.

Be Kind To & Tip Your Server

Listen up all Bar & Restaurant Workers and Patrons... so Everyone!!

Today I wan out walking home from the park and a folded up piece of notepad paper blew along the path landing so I could read it. In purple sparkly pen it read:

Red head
marg L
burg. ff+g
AP caes no c

Hat
coors p
1lb h.h. xtr s on s, well, no V

HOT
Cor noF
buf. chix. Nmay  house. ital.on s

Immediately I had the order and knew who to take it to. For anyone who hasn't served, this says:

The (likely) girl with red hair is having a lime margarita with a caesar salad sans croutons as an appetizer, then a burger with french fries add gravy.
The (likely) guy in the hat wants a pint of Coors Lt. (I'm in Canada- we have no regular Coors) with 1 pound of wings, well done in honey hot sauce with extra sauce on the side. No carrots or celery.
The attractive (likely) guy ordered a Corona without lime, with a buffalo chicken sandwich, no mayo, with a side house salad with Italian dressing on the side.

I held that sparkly purple pen, for um... 15 years. Wow. I had not done that math in a while.

It suddenly occurred to me after seeing this note, that I have always wanted to be able vocalize to the public, why you should treat your server with kindness, and tip properly. I can hardly believe it's taken me a month of blogging to seize the opportunity.

First of all, before I go any further, if you haven't seen the movie Waiting, go get it. Watch and laugh your but off, then return and finish reading. It is awesome, it stars Ryan Reynolds, here is the trailer.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJEsNjH3JT8   Now there's no mistaking.


That out of the way, I wouldn't count on the kind of kitchen nightmares seen in Waiting, the kind that even Chef Ramsey won't talk about, with gross things going in the soup, happening at all. Any place I ever worked, that never happened, that I know of. I will say one thing though. Big restaurants are so open concept and full of management, that you are likely safe from any food contamination. Those chains teach the management cut throat guidelines for food handling and safety and they all take it seriously. Also, if you are at a very small place where the owner is always around or cooking, likely very safe as well, because owners live in fear of the Health Department. Even the slightest delay in operation, or a reputation tarnishing mad mark, can put some of the independent little guys right out of business. So, eat there for sure. Eat there over the big corporate places too, just because!!

Now, a bit about your server. I'm not going to prattle on about the endless list of douchbags I have encountered in my serving history. Nor will I clue you in to the fact that we (I am back in time as a server right now) are just people too, as realistically, I think you all know that down deep inside. That we are capable of human error, but unlike most jobs we receive direct scrutinization, criticism, and paycuts from the recipients of our err. I am fairly certain that you know, that we know our 'bottom line' will be reflected by our inability, if the case may be, to make your drinking or dining experience perfection. No, I am not referring to any of these old standby subjects on the issue. Like the one where you have a brain fart while ordering, and blame us for bringing you the wrong thing... or when we tell you the legitimate honest to God truth that the kitchen burnt your first order of nachos, and is preparing you a second order and you don't believe a damned word we are telling you... yeah, we noticed that. And it would be petty of me to bring up the hundreds of parents who feel it is within their rights to bring their poorly behaved children (no I am not judging-- some things are made very clear facts all on their own) into a restaurant on a kids eat free night (still not judging) come with your friends and their kids (fabulous. the more the merrier) and then you adults all sit at one table and let the kids all sit at another, (the restaurant is not your house at Christmas), because that way they can all have fun together (while your server babysits and you drink white wine because you think it looks better), and really you'll be right there ( as a buzzed and distracted version of yourself, with your back to the situation where all the kids are shouting out their orders  at the poor waitress at once, forcing her to make them raise hands answering while she calls out, " EVERYONE WHO WANTS APPLE..."). Nope, not even all that bitter about that. And we all totally understand that you, unlike anyone else on the planet, have special requests, likes and dislikes, an intolerance for less than scalding hot beverages, and a time schedule to abide by. We know that you are very special. We don't even mind that you get irritated with us, if you don't like your food, even if it is exactly what you ordered, and there is 100% nothing wrong with it. We will just happily take it off your bill (Yes even if the complaint is that your chicken, was 'too chickeny'). We also forgive how challenging the entire ordering experience can be. Menus.. are confusing, and big, and then servers ask trick content comprehension questions like, " that comes with a salad, did you want the Caesar, or the House?" We are sorry to throw all that at you, we know that you were unjustly ill-prepared when you haughtily waved us over, while we were taking someone else's order. We are fairly certain, the other table didn't mind either. You wouldn't mind if they did it to you right? And it's not like there could have been anything else we were supposed to be doing next. But wait... where ARE your drinks? How is it possible that during the time we first talked, and then I went over to that computer, then I went to the table you just called me from, but yet, somehow, your drinks have not appeared from the bar!?! That is madness, and it's fully our fault, just one second and we will fix it. And in the mean time, just stare at our asses like it aint no thang... You know I actually had a guy throwing money on the floor for me to bend over in my skirt to pick up! Like I can't figure out how to crouch down demurely...

You know what? Enough of this line of chatter... I have been waiting  my entire adult life to dish out this tirade, and I'm gonna!! You people out there, eating and drinking in the world, are plenty deserving of far more chastising than I will have time to dish!
 
This pic is of my fave bar I ever tended... Cornerstone Love!!!!


Servers are not slaves. They fetch you things, yes, but truth be told, we have the right not to. That, and the wage thing, is the difference between slaving, and serving! Most of the time, we just forgo the right to refuse service, because we are all desperate for our seats to be filled with paying customers. About    this... please do not loiter in a busy restaurant. If you are done, pay your bill in a timely fashion and get out! Your stay is officially over when you have consumed the last of the products that you purchased. And no, that doesn't include water. And no, that isn't an invitation to get a refill on a tea, or to nurse the last of you now luke warm half pint for the next 25 minutes. We are hoping and praying that your seats will turnover and that the new party are from this planet and have a clue that they should tip and how much they should tip.

Now lets discuss the tip.

First. It does matter where you are. Every restaurant has different tip out amounts. Your server will never fault you for asking what this amount is if you ask.
Second. Please if at all avoidable, don't pay on debit, or credit card, or at least tip in cash. The reason is because, many, many servers have to pay a percentage of each card uses value. Unfathomable, you say?? I concur whole heartedly, but it is true. Having been both in the position of the employer and employee, well, as an employer I never made the service staff pay the card use premiums, but I can appreciate why! I can costs an extortionate amount of money to offer these payment services to your clientele. But making, staff pay the premiums for you? I feel this is totally unethical. But people do it. The last place I worked, tip out for everything overall was 4% (some places it is as high as 8%) , you add credit card amounts ( mine was at 1.5%) and the final math seemed a lot less than I'd deserved.
Lets see if this sounds right to you.
Say you have a bill that is $50.00, and you think the service met your expectations ( and you weren't expecting a bitchy dither-brain). Well a lot of people will tip 10% and figure, that's good, right? Perhaps. Were you occupying your waiters table for over an hour? Likely. Um, say he tips out 4% too, and you pay on credit. So... 10% of $50.00 is $5.00, but 4% 0f $50.00 is $2.00... now hes got $3.00, plus $0.75 for the card swipe (not your fault - I realize), leaves $2.25. Hmmm. But that is still OK because, they have an hourly wage which is $8.90 where I am, and the minimum wage is 10.50... So? Still $0.40 over the min. That's pretty decent considering a monkey could do it (Frickin' try it before you say so!)... And then you figure, yeah, and I am not the only one in here!
But here is the catch. Here in Ontario at least, most people only dine during certain brief hours. Sure, it works out nicely for us wenches and barkeeps, we make lots in just a short time. Right? But the thing is... our bosses do not keep us around for 8 hour shifts, eh? In fact, I have been sent home countless times without even starting... that's right, without the minimum of 3 hours pay as our labor laws dictate. In fact, labor laws have practically no place in restaurants.  I have never received overtime even though 14 hour shifts happened to be a regular part of my schedule, and on said eternal shifts, (and regular length ones too). So you tell me, if $2.75 is enough when  if I am working only a few hours on some days, (pretty much getting part time paychecks means going in every day) but during those shifts the (hopefully) busy time is only a few hours! Last Christmas I damn near starved, working 5 or 6 nights a week, PREGNANT!

I must say that serving used to be very lucrative, and for sure there are still great days, but overall the economy has changed! A poor economy hurts the hospitality industry first! Not that I expect you to fix the economy.

I break it down like this.

If a waitress goes above and beyond, meeting and exceeding my expectations (which are high) I leave 25-30%
If my waiter does an awesome job, but we didn't really bond (I am very easy to bond with) then its 20-25%
If the bartender does a great job, but takes a little long, but not due to extreme business, just because they are busy flirting, I understand, cause that chick was hot, but I am only tipping 15-20%
If the waitress effs up and is super sweet and apologetic about it, and/ or tries to compensate for inconvenience, provided the inconvenience isn't that I am still hungry 3 hours later, I am still tipping 20-25%
If the server effs up, and says sorry, but I don't think she could care less, cause she's pretty bitchy in general I am tipping 10-15%
If the server does the job well but is an unfriendly wench in general, I will likely leave 10% on the money.
If a server totally screws up everything, and it seems like e or she is having the worst day of their life, but they make me love them, or at least laugh, I'm likely leaving 20% still.

That's how I roll, but this is my industry, so it's pretty hard to bullshit me, ya know?

About our working conditions.

One time a lady cleaned out the used tissues and other random assorted garbage from her purse and kind of shoved it in my hands.

 I have worked constantly, not even breaking to pee or eat, downing mugs of tepid coffee in one gulp, and swallowing handfuls of un-chewed fries. We usually have to pay for our own dine and dashes... thanks for that (you know who you are). Sexual harassment is as common as breathing, and breathing is usually accompanied by the exhalation of smoke. Smokers who want to quit, should probably find a new line of work.

Servers have an enormous work ethic.

I've worked with a lifeless arm, a torn ACL, broken scafoid, cramps from hell, a baby in a sling, laryngitis, in killer high heel boots, with an abscess and impacted wisdom tooth, 9 months pregnant,  and way too many ridiculously awful hangovers. I've walked and walked through blizzards to get to work, worked through power outages, in rough neighborhoods where I once actually had to break up a trick in progress on my patio. I've broken up bar fights, cleaned up peoples illegal activities, cleaned up peoples violent messes... I've had crazy people fall in love with me, had wives come to work to kill me, and had more crazy people think I was a chosen one and follow me around. Oh yeah, I worked pretty much every single holiday for a good 10 years, I swear.


More perks.

There are zero benefits and zero paid vacation.  In fact I have never even had the knee surgery I was told to have when I was 20. All for the reason that there are no sick days, and no guarantees of a busy night, and so living paycheck to paycheck or rolling in it, we are all the same, and almost need to be dying to not come to work on a Friday night. My maternity leave...sucks. Oh and we keep other worldly hours, that make you think we are lazy do nothing bums when you call us at 9 am and we want to kill you, but it's the equivalent to if we phoned you up at 4am.

Kay, I am not sure I have ever ranted like this, so you will have to excuse any run on sentences. Please.

I will try to get to the point.

Sometimes, we screw up. Sometimes it is our fault. I always fessed up to this, some never do.

One time, my kitchen screwed up two tables and I inadvertently fed an orthodox Jewish man pork. He screamed while gagging and spewing food into his napkin. I cried while the rest of the patio stared at me like I was the most gigantic idiot in the world. It sooo was not my fault!!

 Sometimes we are working in conditions with the dumbest human beings on the planet, sometimes those morons are you. If we work in corporate places, chances are we agree that our flair (see the movie 'OFFICE SPACE') is so very uncool. That we don't want to say "Howdy Folks" and go through an annoying spiel to get you to add a skillet of mushrooms to your steak. And we likely don't fancy ourselves to be especially gifted that we can write our names upside down on a table, or sing a fabulous birthday song to you.

We are simply people that are trying to get by in this world. We try like the dickens to put up with your shit, the corporate crap, or even the domestic crap in the small family run places...don't get me started on that one. (I have worked for zero wage just to help at several family run places!!) We might be trying to raise our kids, or figure out what path to take, or we may be trying to get through schooling.

Which leaves me to my final reason you should tip well and treat your server with kindness and respect.


Most servers and bartenders will not remain servers and bartenders forever. They will go on in life to be your dentist, doctor, mechanic, heating repairman... you get the picture. And one of the awesome perks of the job that never goes away, is we do not forget faces. We see you 10 years later and know that you always ask whats on tap then drink Heineken in a frosty mug, and dump crazy amounts of ketchup all over your fries and then complain that they are cold. Yup. We. Remember. Everything.


So to the guy who threw my charity stars at me, and told me to use my own tip to buy them, which by the way I did, I will probably see you again... when you least expect it!

In summary.

Upon arrival, focus. You can order without being the most confusing person ever. Then try to refrain from ogling us really obviously, we know you're doing it, but when you are obvious about it or add creepy banter, we just don't know how to be polite without letting the fake smile or laugh creep in. No one wants this. Also  abandoning all of your sensibilities, and responsibilities is not cool. Up to and including your alcohol consumption. We will take your keys, cut you off, call authorities if need be even if it will really embarrass you and even though we really don't want to, because we have to!! It's the law. Enjoy yourself, your food, our company, your company, the atmosphere, the game, the band, whatever. We honestly want everyone to be very happy with us and their overall experience. Then tip well, and don't make us hover for the payment, just pay up and leave with a thank-you. Why not make a great impression and remember our names for the next time while you are at it.  Get it? Good.


PS. Current bartenders and servers everywhere. I expect love letters from you for writing this. I feel like I have done the whole world a service by doing this. Heck, guys who try to date waitstaff might even have better chances because of me. I might be as instrumental in helping industry peoples lives as beer. OK maybe that was too far but I am happy to help.  I can't turn back time and help myself, but I can help you! Help me out and tell me all the things guests do that I missed.... like showing up at almost close or open with no reservation and a party of 25. ... or every individual at a table needing their own private retelling of the specials, the tap line up, and translations of everything in Italian they don't understand.... like ordering from your boobs... like cleaning up their wings bones off the table (we give you a bowl for a reason!!!)... I could do this all night but I won't!