Six weeks ago, the city's garbage collection did not include mine. No, it wasn't MIA at the curb before 7am. No, it wasn't over 40lbs, nor did it have incorrect content. It was in an intact black garbage bag, in a clean garbage pail with an animal safety lid, the way it always has been.
The city I live in is supposed to put a note on your trash as to why it wasn't collected as the case may be. There was no such note.
So... what was the problem? I called the city and they told me it was likely too heavy. Jim decided that yes, it may have been marginally over 40 lbs. that week. I had done some cleaning and done away with some non-recyclable, non-organic waste. Aren't I a rebel rouser?
I guess I am a woman of steel and even without one of those handy elevator lift things that they have on the garbage trucks now, I was able to get the beast to the curb without detecting any weight issue.
As I am sure you are aware, having an excess of garbage stinks. This fall has been bloody awful for wasps and the garbage certainly hasn't helped. It took a month for me dispense of the additional garbage that just accumulates and accumulates.
Now I've always tried to reduce, reuse, and recycle, but cutting our household waste by 25% for a month was seriously a pain in the ass of a challenge. I was trying like hell to stay under that 40 lb. mark! My son weighs 41lbs. so I kept picking him up as a human scale.
Needless to say, this morning when the garbage truck pulled up into the silence of my morning and I peeked out the window to check to make sure they were taking my garbage ( I have taken to doing this every garbage day, just in case) and then the figure in the dark did not take my garbage, I was pissed!
I threw on some sandals with my jammies and ran out the door. The figure in the dark turned to look at me and for the first time in six weeks it was not the young guy or the old bearded guy. It was a Garbage Lady.
Now, before I go any further I am in no way a feminist, nor am I a chauvinist, but use your imagination and picture a 50 something garbage lady and this was her. I'll say no more.
I grabbed the can and ran with it, 3 doors down.
Garbage Lady: (Loud at me over the truck. Like she was chewing tobacco at the same time, and dripping with sarcasm) Yes Ma'am?
Me: Um, Hi!! Would you like to tell me why you merely looked at my garbage this morning??
Garbage Lady: Which is you?
OKAY. The house lots here are narrow, and i'm only 3 doors down. How far does she think I ran with this thing with no bra and flip-flops in the pitch dark and frickin cold????
Me: (Slowly, so as not to explode) 1.5.9.. You just looked at my garbage and didn't take it. What is the reason... there was NO note.
Garbage Lady: Oh, yeah, you gotta stop putting the lid on your can.
Me: Pardon? The lid?
Garbage Lady: Yep.
Me: So six weeks ago you didn't take my garbage because the lid was on too? When did this rule come in to effect?
Garbage Lady: Oh, I don't know bout that, but if the lids on, I don't take it. We ain't supposed to.
And why the hell not? She going to break a nail or something??
She detects my inquisition.
Garbage Lady: We wear gloves, see?
Now I am baffled. I do not see how rubber gloves deter a person from opening a garbage lid. And I would love to know, if an animal gets into my garbage over night do they have little sweepers to clean that up?? Hell no they don't!!
Me: It would have been nice to be informed of this new policy... I have kids in diapers! Besides, aren't you supposed to leave a note on the trash if you don't take it? That one with the check mark boxes?
From this point on, Garbage Lady will have a new title.
Garbage Bitch: Must-a ran out. And it's not my problem you use throw-aways... get cloth!!
Me: (In my mind I jump up and down giving her the finger calling her a few choice words) Whatever.
Get cloth. You know what? I had cloth for Elway, and then I stored them at our families restaurant because we had no storage space and someone stole them. The damn things are like 25 bucks a piece! I know diapers are expensive over time, but shelling out close to $300, two times, so that I can do even more laundry, was just not in the cards.
I wanted to kick that woman in her 'check mark box' and then tell her the pain in her ass wasn't my problem! And I would have, if my 'woman of steel' persona hadn't been suddenly reduced leaving me feeling about as strapping as Minnie Mouse beside her.
She got the final word too.
Garbage Bitch: Doin' you a favor takin' it here, not in front of your house, and all...
Gee thanks.
And all this before a coffee.
I called the city. They said they would make a note of it, whatever the heck that means.
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