The Truth About Quitting Smoking

You Find A Reason and Then Decide- It Really Is That Simple

This is the truth that anyone who has truly quit for good and forever knows all about. When you really want to be a non-smoker, you will be a non-smoker. Every person I know that has "fallen off the wagon" views quitting smoking as a severing of personality, a cutting off of ones arm, an absence of identity, passion, completeness. Like a little carcinogenic stick could really be a best friend, and not just a weapon for self loathing and destruction.

Well, the truth is, quitting smoking reveals your true personality. The stressed out you will be relieved when you aren't feeling like there is something you are missing all the time (even while you smoke).
The truth is, that the arm you cut off is not yours at all. It's the arm of addiction. The one that points at you in the mirror with disdain for every failure to quit, for every acceptance that you 'quit quitting'. This is not only a mock arm, it is the arm of mockery. It is the extension of your thought that imagines that quitting is lame and smoking is cool. This very same arm promotes suicide, and heroin addiction. You REALLY don't need this arm. And it's not yours, so that's kind of creepy. Cut that thing off please.  I beg of you. :)

The truth is that your identity has been absent for as long as you've been smoking. It is the number one reason, I believe, for why people start to smoke in the first place. Not so much a peer pressure, as a self pressure applied to define ones self. Human beings have an insatiable hunger to belong, and smoking seems like a club. It used to be a club for the attractive, alluring, even mysterious and elusive. Now it is a club for people who have very bad skin, teeth and nails. Who wheeze when they breathe, and cant catch their breath from the car to the front door. Yeah, lung disease, heart disease, impotence, cancer are a club all right, but Im certain the members would give anything to get off that list.

Bottom line. We all have our reasons for wanting to quit. But if you don't have a reason to just quit... get one. Love yourself. Want your future. I want it for you and we've never even met.

An Elway Explanation

Today was a relatively decent day (said the mommy in her head, trying to drown out the 4 year old screaming that he "won't poo" from the washroom, and the 1 year old chanting, "Mama" and grappling at her knees -which ever so recently she found so adorable). Except for one part.

Earlier on, after a particularly enjoyable pretend picnic, I was folding some laundry outside while my son was reading and my daughter was wandering about teething on leftover pretend utensils, when suddenly the moment of serenity ended.

White gunk was on my baby girls bottom lip, and a sour expression combined with confusion was in her eyes.

After rushing over and wiping frantically, I knew before Elway helped me to uncover the truth that my princess just tasted bird poo.

Joy.

I of course shoved my finger in her mouth and tried to pull everything I could off of her tongue while running inside and finding a way to angle her head under the kitchen faucet to flush as much shit out of her grin as humanly possible. All the while, Elway explained away.

"Mommy it was not my fault!! A bird pooped on my book and Isla was standing there with the spoon. She gave it to me. She was sharing!!! It was great...cause I needed to clean the poop off my page. It was all white over the words and I couldn't understand what Geronimo was saying so I had to wipe it off. I just used the spoon, but I didn't tell her to eat it. She did that on her OWN!!!"

Overall, a relatively decent day. I'll just be standing post for signs of illness. Parasites. UGH.

In Elways Honest Opinion- Art

Every now and then, a mother who LOVES her kids but is typically exhausted, often quite frustrated, and feels like she beats her head against the wall saying the same things over and over and over with no ending in sight...gets a break. A moment when it all seems worth it, and even more. A moment when we remember just how precious any given moment of our lives can be. Today, this was mine. 

So...
Elway's playing with blocks, making his "art", and Isla tried to help, but was "wrecking the art!!". I said, "She doesn't mean to.. she doesn't even know what art is".

About minute of silence from the next room where they are playing passes, and then Elway starts to explain.

"Isla let me explain. Art is like big picture, or new idea or a sad or happy feeling that you want to tell, that sometimes other people see, and sometimes they think its just blocks.----- And, ...actually... Mommy!! Isla is not wrecking my art!! She is making it better!!"

A Place On Earth

I was asked today...do I believe in heaven and hell? Well, yes and no.

I find it hard to explain how I feel about believing in anything, but I will try... 

To me; believing is equatable to hoping to know something, but having no way of knowing, and so, impatiently pretending that you now know that something to be true. Although I think that we all create our own destiny with self fulfilled prophesy, I don't tell my self  'I believe I can do this" if I know that I cannot!! I tell myself " I am capable and willing and therefore can do this" when it is true. 


What can I say, I do not like disappointment. 

I prefer to think that living my life while I live it, for the reward of being the best person I can be right, here, and now, treating every day, this very day included, as though it could be my last, and yet always looking forward to tomorrow, able to look at myself in the mirror each morning and say 'I love who you are and who you try to be' ... well, in my humble opinion, doing this, and having my beautiful children, husband and family, having love, real love, everyday, IS heaven. It is all I would ever wish heaven could be. 

Perhaps, the reason why follows.

I also have lived in 'hell'. I spent more than 10 years, not able to look in the mirror, except to ensure that I was hidden well. I ached. So I anesthetized... only to ache more. I tried to hold the beauty I saw in others and make it my own, and suffered the loss as I felt it slip away. I loved others, abundantly, quite selflessly, and that was the problem. I gave endlessly unable to receive, because without ever loving myself, I couldn't feel it when it was given. Real love always felt like pity, or obligation, or if it felt good... it felt displaced. Love, and life, burned my eyes and ran my feet raw, and I never seemed to get anywhere no matter how hard I tried. So I anestheitized. It was pure hell. 

I think that now and then, we receive little messages, from those that have passed away. Like to think of them as a child plays with a lilac, and that child has the same fiery tousled hair that they wore and suddenly you're smiling and you don't even know why.... 

I think that memories run deeper than our mind, and so even if we can't recall a loved one, our flesh remembers their touch, their scent, and sound.... 

I think that what happens to our flesh after living matters not, for the loved ones we left behind keep our vessels whole in their memory...

I think that deceiving yourself that you must conduct yourself accordingly, in order to prevent an eternal damnation, is a way of depriving yourself of the innate nature to just be your wonderful self, and thus robs you of the heaven you could be living every day.

And Oh My God this earth is beautiful... the way nature works, both symbiotic and vicious, is mesmerizing and elusive, yet so simple. When nothing in the world makes any sense, a deer will always startle to the loud crack of a branch. Nature has always been my refuge. My search for heaven started in a lush valley..... and I think that is where I eventually found it.

When I was a little girl, my Daddy told me to look for the beauty in every day. I have always done this. What he failed to add, an important little detail, was that if I couldn't find any in the world around me, never to fear, because I would always have it in me....... but Dad always said "You learn things better if you teach yourself" 

Thanks for the point in the right direction Dad, I got lost for a while but there sure was a pretty sunrise this morning. 

So.... 

Do I believe in heaven and hell? Yes and No. 

Do I believe in God? I don't have to. Have you seen my children? 

Sick of Sick

Put down the Pepto, and pass the Kleenex. You never really appreciate things until they are gone.. do you? Like, for example, the use of your nose. Though not the most life threatening ailment, well temporarily at least, it just may be the most irritating ailment.

Here are the things I miss which are associated with this:
Knowing when food is cooked - before I see smoke.
Detecting dirty diapers - before my sleeve.
Tasting food - because despite scissors for vocal chords, I am trying very hard to nourish myself but everything tastes like chalk
Hearing...anything at all - because these things are connected, I'm left with a skipping scratched broken record repeating "What?" like an idiot.
Breathing- that's a big one. I must admit I am sometimes quite frightened for a second or so, that I will forget to open my mouth and just stop breathing all together. It's great.
Moisture in my mouth- for those of you out there still capable of swallowing at will, take a second and enjoy that luxury, will ya?
And, last but not least, Sleeping- it would be nice if during the brief interval between the needs of my 2 poor sicky-poo babes, I could breathe and therefore fall asleep. Yup, my friends... no nose= no sleep.

For something with such an obvious lack of function it sure is sore and red. Hell, at this point, I want the fever back- at least then I am blissfully less aware, a total menace perhaps, but who would know?

Generation To Generation Part 2 - The Power Of Joseph Campbell

The Best Things In Life Are Free

When I think back to my childhood, I hear vinyl. Yellow Submarine, The Gambler, and Soolaimon... I hear the Teddy Bear's Picnic by Anne Murray, and Old Blue Eyes singing about how he did it his way. I hear my daddy singing along, and making everything feel like musical theater. And when life is unkind, or confusing, .... or awesome, these are the songs I hear. Strange as that may seem, it is merely a testament to how my love of music was cultivated by my parents from a time before I can even fully remember.

I intend to provide an abundance of culture for my children, both musical and otherwise. I hope to pass on the wisdom of my experience, with openness in general.

Perhaps here in lies the real difference between parents of the distant past and the more modern parenting philosophy. That we should do our best to conceal our true nature from our children, shelter them from the ways of the world, has become a thing of the past. Now, more often than not, parents say they will discuss sex openly with their kids, talk about drugs, discuss the relevance of outside religions, recognize the rest of the world a an extension of our own, and not as a far off land where starving and injustice don't matter. Again, perhaps, I will use music as a vehicle to bridge the gaps before us. Yes, I think so.

Read The Book, Listen To Your Life's Soundtrack, To Your Child, The News..... I Think You Will Agree!

There are many works by Joseph Campbell that a more than worth reading... I have read many and recommend you joining me, however I am giving just this one, "The Power Of Myth" a glowing recommendation right here and now, and for very good reason. 

This interview with Bill Moyers it is the most comprehensive overview of Campbell's opinion that the youth of today need "Myths To Live By" (another wonderful book of his). I have given this book to so many people over the years - hoping to convey a message that is also the point of this blog.

Mr. Campbell, in all his brilliance, discusses how present and future generations have difficulty finding fellowship with antiquated religions. Never undermining their significance, he points out how irrelevant the stories, of the commonly ascribed to faiths of the world, are to the fast forward lives that people live today, and the problems that modern people now contend with. It makes sense to me to think that young people now lack structure in their beliefs and so create their own order in the form of gangs, and cults and, less obviously, in their own psyche. 

As an interesting side note; it is not that commonly known, but George Lucas created Star Wars because he knew Campbell, and agreed that a modern mythology was needed. Enter the 'Force'.

It is my contention that if our future generations need icons, and idols, and words to live by, then we should actively try to find a way to provide them with a foundation. 

Well, what better place to look than in the form of music? If we look to the soundtrack of our lives, there just might be a platform of understanding how we, their role models, became the people that we are. They may see our mistakes, and our misgivings, but they will also see our passion, our style, our battles, and triumphs. Blueprints in melodies, if you will.

Read the book, listen to your life's soundtrack, to our children, to the news.... I think you may too agree!


Read my whole article at http://www.squidoo.com/the-importance-of-passing-on-the-best-music-generation-to-generation

Elway's Advent Day 1- Stages Of Acceptance

My son got to have the first chocolate from his advent calender this morning. We bought it at the farmers market before I went to the Santa Claus parade on November the 12th . That means that I have been pestered for the yummy chocolate contents, for 18 days until this morning.

Ahh. Sweet relief, right?

Think again.

_____________________________________________________________


Elway just woke from his unusually short nap. He walks in the room, all bed headed rubbing his eyes.

Elway: Momma. (His words are snippy.) I am up and it's a new day. Could I please have my chocolate calendar?
Me: Oh, Bubba... Daddy and I told you earlier. One a day. You have only just had a nap, so you still have to wait until tomorrow.
Elway: UGGGGGHH!

He stomps out of the room with his hands on his hips. Stops. Turns around and marches right back in.

Elway: Momma!!
Me: Yes...... (I shoot him a look that lets him know he needs to watch his tone with me)
Elway: (Sugary & with a big smile) May I please have a chocolate? I had a nap like a good boy and I think it is tomorrow AND I am right!

I laugh (I can't help it) and his smile disappears.

Me: Bear, honey... it just doesn't work that way. Just because you think it's tomorrow doesn't mean it is.
Elway: Yes it does mean!!!
Me: You mean, it is mean... right?
Elway: No... I'm not mean, you are!
Me: No Bear, I didn't say you were mean, I said ... oh nevermind. You aren't mean. I am not mean. Capiche?
Elway: No. You get me a chocolate and I am capiche.

He has this look on his face like he is going to explode.

I shake my head 'no'. He twists his mouth while his wheels turn on a new plan. He leaves the room.

A minute later I hear curious noises, but I am nursing Isla and don't want to get up.

Me: Elway??? What are you doing??
Elway: Nothing!!
Me: Really? I am coming in there....
Elway: Ok, ok... I am not doing anything..

I go into our room where up high on the tall dresser his advent calender is out of reach. I can tell from the blankets that he was pushing futilely on the bed to try to get on the dresser.

Me: Elway. You cannot climb up there, Honey. it's too high and dangerous. I don't want you to try that again. Do you hear?

I receive a rather sour expression and it is accompanied with a stomp out of the room again. I resume nursing Isla (whom is crying from the interruption of course.)

A good 5 minutes later I am done nursing. He has been very eerily quiet. He walks calmly into the room, and puts his hand on my back and cups my ear with his other hand to whisper: His intent is to be very, very menacing.

Elway: Momma... do you hear? Let me make you understand. If I don't get a chocolate from my calender.. I am going to make mashed potatoes from your toes. Capiche?

I laugh out loud. I don't want to.. I want to tell him to go for a time out, but OMG it's too funny!! And now he is furious...



Elway: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME???
Me: Oh, Bear.. you are not having any more chocolate... oh, you are too funny... I am sorry..
Elway: I AM NOT FUNNY, I AM SCARY!!
Me: I know you think you are.... (I gain composure now...) but you can't scare me. Go for a time out. You cannot threaten your Mommy and get away with it.

His hands are on his hips.

Me: Go now or else I will not let you have your advent calender at all.. If it is going to be a problem, then Daddy can have your chocolates.
Elway (Starts cry-talking on his way to his room) I tried to give Daddy a chocolate this morning... BUT YOU... YOU wouldn't let us eat more chocolate!!
Me: I know you tried to share with Daddy...but Elway, that isn't what advent calenders  are for!
Elway: (I think he says) Are they for happy boys to eat??
Me: They are for happy boys, once a day, until Christmas.
Elway: OK.....(still crying)... do I have to stay in time out? I was just joking!
Me: Oh, you were, were you?
Elway: Ya-huh!!
Me: Yah? Well I don't think so. 2 minutes time out.

After about 30 seconds.

Elway:  (Yelling but nicely) Mommy??
Me: (Speaking, because he is only ten feet away from me and there is pretty much never a need to yell to be heard in this house) Yes?
Elway: Could I have an Arrowroot?
Me: Yes... in a minute after time out.

A minute and a half goes by. And I get him and he comes to the kitchen to retrieve his Arrowroot. It's in his hand.

Elway: Mommy? Can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure.
Elway: Would you like to trade me my Arrowroot for a Chocolate?
Me: No.
Elway: Just asking...
Me: Yeah... I know.

And I have how many days left of this?? Oh right... 23. I really have to go shopping now!